Neil Degrasse Tyson Ruins “The Night Before Christmas”
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, Although millions of microscopic mites which live in the pores of the skin will be out to feast
Tag: Satire and Parody
FAQ: What Concerned Kids Need to Know to Keep Their Adults Safe on Facebook
Q. What is Facebook? A. It’s a great place for people to connect with others who are also lonely in the suburbs.
Cease-and-Desist Letters from Hasbro to Santa
As for the incalculable diminished commercial value you have caused us in previous years, we are willing to settle for a one-time $8 billion settlement.
Other Ways Warner Bros. Is Trying to Bury JK Rowling’s Anti-Trans Tweets
International Wizarding Day of No Technology, a new celebration where Harry Potter fans don't use modern technology while we get a handle on this PR nightmare.
A Gift Basket Is So Much More than Focaccia Crisps and a Beef Log
Just think, someone close to you took the easy way out and gifted you small quantities of randomly selected unappealing snacks.
When We Get Married, I Want to Take Your Last Name, Along with Your First Name, Middle Name, Social Security Number, and Dental Impressions
My mom took my dad's name—and fingerprints, and mustache, and a high-resolution scan of his face with a state-of-the-art LIDAR device.
Troll Tries Internet, Immediately Starts Blog
Skog thought Troll Doll craze of '80s was peak. Skog wrong. Peak time for Troll now.
I Give In: I Would like to Purchase Some of Your Incredible Essential Oils
I am so tired. So worn down. I don't want to fight this anymore. Please. Send me a bottle of Lavender Serenity, because it's time to give in.
Now That I’ve Power Washed My Proposal to You, I Guess I Can’t Finish Power Washing the Rest of the Driveway
I’ll go put the power washer back in the garage. No more power washing today.
All I Want for Christmas Is a Norse Pagan Scorn-Pole
I’ve been silently scorning them for years and I’m ready to take it up a notch—with a decapitated horse head and powerful pagan curses.
Mrs. Claus Serves Santa Divorce Papers
At 1,559 years old, I’m not getting any younger. And a woman has to do what she can to make it through this cold, ice-hard world.
Sex and the Ancient City
“But is that really just?” pleaded Andiemantus, trying not to scuff his new Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane walking sandals against the cobblestone floor.