An Open Letter to the Hermit Crab Who Made My Apartment His Shell While I Was Away
I cannot help but feel like the law is on the side of the cold-blooded decapods of this world who travel willy-nilly from shell to shell.
I cannot help but feel like the law is on the side of the cold-blooded decapods of this world who travel willy-nilly from shell to shell.
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
The publishing world has always had a bias against writers who have never actually written anything.
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
You’re in the top one percent of all naval aviators, with "a need, a need for speed." But I think you have a serious need for fiscal responsibility.
Did something happen between us? Did I wrong you? And if so, why bring that energy into your vacation photos?
Say, what do you reckon they were thinking when they built such an itty-bitty town in the first place?
I know I'm just a little ol' abyss, but your attention has given me quite the pick-me-up. Not a lot of people notice me.
The government began funding the reptilian-human-hybrid breeding program in the late 1940s. The perfect age to discover the wonders of retirement living.
Apparently, the first rule of Gardening Club is I'm supposed to answer your gardening questions.
Here’s a thought: My body could be cut up into little chunks the size of cocktail wieners and doled out to a number of sciences.
OK, I'm just going to address that you've been sort of frozen and scared ever since I said Jeffrey Dahmer is my brother. I get it.