Amazon Delivery Options Based on Number of Likes on Jeff Bezos’ Cat’s Instagram Posts
501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Shady Hills Youth Soccer Club’s U-8 Girls Team is Not Meant to Be Fun
A 6-2 record with one game left? With five players training at Elite, we should be undefeated. Heck, we should shut out every team in this league.
Creative Ways to Get Out of Conversations With Men Who Just Learned Who Nietzsche Is
Ask if his idea of the Übermensch is also white, ya know, like he is.
A Helicopter Mom Delivers a Heartfelt Promposal
You kids have so much in common. He loves dogs, too. He just can’t be in the same room with them. He’s highly allergic. To everything.
I Know, I Look Exactly Like Bradley Cooper
I also have a picture of the two of us on my phone so you know exactly how similar we look.
Judging Late Night Hosts Based on If They’d Be a Good Replacement for Your Father, Now That He’s Passed Away
Who better to replace dad than a late night comedy host, who is charismatic, funny, and probably screams at their unpaid interns?
Hair Loss Got You Down? Try the Mountain Hermit Cure
Where are all the people who keep saying you look like Dr. Evil? Who cares! You have to survive a -40 degree blizzard by finding a cave to sleep in!
I’m Not Like Other Tourists
“Quierrro ceviche,” I purr and raise an eyebrow. “Ok, one ceviche coming right up,” He responds in English. Haha! He’s fun and must stop flirting!
Laundering Instructions for Your $148 Anthropologie Romper
Cleanse your washing machine: In the drum, tumble one medium-sized bushel of dried sage, rosemary, and lavender on your delicates cycle.
Elizabeth Holmes Proves Women Are Just as Good at Committing Fraud as the Guys
Who faced more adversity than when Elizabeth was defrauding people based on an invention that was scientifically impossible? No one, that’s who.