I’m Shuttering My Professional Kidnap for Ransom Operation Due to Rising Inflation
Our whole supply chain is wrecked: the price of a getaway car is sky high and gas costs for said car are now at an astronomical level.
Tag: Satire and Parody
A List of Apologies to Establishments from Which I Have Been Banned
Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
Journal Entries from Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)
My job sucks. Why did I think working at a bar next to a port on a western bay that serves a hundred ships a day would be a good idea?
I’ve Lived Longer than Any Dog Ever
In the eyes of a dog, I am nothing less than an eternal being existing beyond the constraints of matter and time. So where's my treat for being a good boy?
9 Amazing Vacation Destinations to Check Your Work Email
Pro tip: bring a parasol to reduce the glare on your laptop screen when you’re checking Outlook for five minutes, just one more email, OK babe?
I Insist You Stay with Me, and You’re Going to Hate It
I only have dry toast. Hope you like millet bread. I’ll just cut the mold off, and we’ll be good to go.
It Is I, the Toddler Who Values Financial Literacy Due to NFTs
I was telling the other toddlers about how if they ever plan to retire, they’ll need real dough, not Play-Doh.
We Do Not Sit Young Families Under Hulk’s Penis
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
Dear Landlord: I Cannot Be Held Responsible for the Coyote-Shaped Hole in the Wall
In this instance, the coyote was blasted through said wall following a violent explosion of his own devising.
This Mirror Is So Relatable
The kind of stuff that happens on the mirror is exactly the kind of stuff I deal with every day.
I Think My Boyfriend Is About to Propose or Kill the President
All the signs are there. Darren’s always said our relationship is “the one perfect thing in this godforsaken hellhole of a country.”
My Last Thoughts as My Chair Tipped Over Backwards That One Time in 3rd Grade
Tic Tac Toe: a clever way to tell a girl you like her?