Welcome to Your Zen Bath Experience
You see a small cottage at the edge of the field-- “A cottage? What is this? A visualization or something?”
Tag: Satire and Parody
Heaven Be the Cross-Section of a Ship
There is one sliver of happiness, and it can be discovered only in the pages of children’s books depicting the cross-sections of ships, old and new.
Latest Demands in the Ongoing Hostage Negotiations Between You and Your Toddler
Bath time shall last a minimum of three hours or until I’ve shriveled to one-half my natural size. ABSOLUTELY NO HAIR WASHING.
The Sleepytime Tea Bear Reports a Robbery
The criminals must have also found it easy to sneak around me, due to the rug, and fireplace, and radio.
Nobody’s Ever Thankful for Me, the Folding Chair from the Spare Room Closet
I’ve seen more get-togethers than Uncle Harold, may he rest in peace. He sat his ample frame on me dozens of times. His bum was one of the good ones.
Global Supply Chain Issues Have Not Spared This Year’s Thanksgiving Menu
Apple pie is still on! Flour is in high demand and low availability, so we will have to make do with some sort of potato-based crust.
As Your Boss, This Month’s Employee Newsletter Is Dedicated to My Three-Week Vacation in Italy
While I'm technically "the boss," I don't want that detail to deter you from asking me lots of questions about my rejuvenating three-week sojourn.
LSAT Logic Problems for Every American’s Thanksgiving
Uncle Roger and cousin Lucy disagree about whether: A. JFK Jr. came back to life and is living in cousin Lucy’s shed. B. The war on Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.
Clearing Out My Brain’s Hard Drive to Remember Whatshisname
High school locker combination [-1.2 MB] I deleted my entire high school experience in 2016. Missed this somehow. Move to trash.
Seven Pieces of Art I Purchased for Our Hotel That Resulted in Long Emails from My Boss
My boss said guests don’t want to see “gray smudges” while enjoying their complimentary light breakfast. I said they would once they read the essay I left by the bagel station.
How Not to Practice Magic, Under Any Circumstances
In the end, he adjusted the parameters of the trick from predicting the exact card suit and number to simply foretelling its color.
I Am Your Side Part, and I Am Here to Stay, Bitch
You’re such a hypocrite, standing by your skinny jeans but not me! How have you been in therapy this long and still care what the mean girls are saying?