Howard and I both know the importance of symbolic gestures---have you ever ordered oatmeal at Dunkin’ or Starbucks? No. But you COULD!
And you charged me for all of it?! That’s over $15,000! Listen, I’m not made of that Tony Stark money
Three slower, sarcastic beeps: Random malfunction with tons of rhyme and reason, none of which will be revealed to you or any professional electrician.
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.
Appetizer: Meat Yogurt -- What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt!
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
Adjusting the height of my desk chair is my therapy. Nothing says self-care like taking small measures to prevent repetitive strain injury.
Many of you hare aware of the plumbing issue recently discovered in the sacristy toilet, a situation Father David referred to as “a test of faith.”
How could I ever dream of being a proponent of it when, in reality, I am a victim, torturously stalked by drama at every turn?!
Imagine: Taco Bell Cantinas, free of the pressure to appeal to a burgeoning youth market, would once more become—simply—Taco Bells.