Judging Late Night Hosts Based on If They’d Be a Good Replacement for Your Father, Now That He’s Passed Away
Who better to replace dad than a late night comedy host, who is charismatic, funny, and probably screams at their unpaid interns?
Who better to replace dad than a late night comedy host, who is charismatic, funny, and probably screams at their unpaid interns?
Paying muggle coach to lie about child’s participation in West Coast quidditch team California Dobbys.
Attempt to order Chinese food online. Discover credit card is maxed out. Head into kitchen with acute sense of impending doom.
Raising sons is hard. There are a lot of ways you can screw up your son and add another example of toxic masculinity to society.
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
Honey Bunches of Oats > A Small Amount of Good Stuff Swimming in a Large Amount of Oats
I made the brownies with one hand while reading for my ChickLits book club. Sleep is a societal construct! I think I’m starting to hallucinate.
I am the genetic material of two people who cut coupons, enjoy bird watching, and decorate their home with "live, laugh, love!" signs from TJ Maxx.
Masters in Accounting: Think about how much fun you have filing your taxes every year and imagine getting to do that every day!
You sat in silence for 18 minutes after finding out your new barber was from Long Island, voted for Trump, and has amazing ideas for your stand-up.
If you cannot make it home to your reinforced "Doom Room", attempt to run toward the nearest forest or wooded area.