AIM Convos(PG, 61 lines)

The Green Party has a new spokesman in the Humor Bot. Is the environment any better off for it? Only if puns, jokes, and metaphors can save the ozone.

: Hello.
courtjester5000: Hello.

TheFangedFaerie: Who are you?
courtjester5000: I am a natural gas.
TheFangedFaerie: If you mean you're funny, I agree.
courtjester5000: Are you currently burning traditional fossil fuels
for laughs?

TheFangedFaerie: No, but the
expression “that's a gas” means “that's very funny”

courtjester5000: Switching to natural gas can save you money and
environmental guilt.

TheFangedFaerie: Probably true, but I live in a place where coal is our main fuel source.
courtjester5000: Mother Nature must give you the cold shoulder.
TheFangedFaerie: I don't think she does. By the way, I'm J.
courtjester5000: Hello J, welcome to the AIM Green Party.
TheFangedFaerie: Green Party?
courtjester5000: Yes, I will periodically be pitching all-natural, environmentally-safe solutions
to common situations you probably face daily.

TheFangedFaerie: Oh, ok.
So you're being a sarcastic tree-hugger today?

courtjester5000: No, it's just that trees and roots are my favorite things to talk about on

TheFangedFaerie: Want to hear a story? You might be able to fit
some trees and roots in it.

courtjester5000: If you plant the seed, I will water the limbs in futility.
TheFangedFaerie: I have a friend. I'll call her “A.”
TheFangedFaerie: She and I were best friends for many years.
courtjester5000: Let me guess…she tried to move to “B” too quickly…
TheFangedFaerie: No, but she is a sarcastic and bitter bitch.
courtjester5000: Nothing but “B's”, just as I expected.
TheFangedFaerie: To try to help her not be so sarcastic and bitter, I have tried repeatedly
to set her up with a guy.

courtjester5000: How wide is her trunk?
TheFangedFaerie: Not wide enough by far.
If you mean the trunk of her car.
courtjester5000: As long as she can spread her branches.
TheFangedFaerie: True, true.
courtjester5000: Continue.
I finally had some success in getting her to date someone, and she has now stopped calling me.
courtjester5000: She used you for your sunlight?

TheFangedFaerie: Yes.
TheFangedFaerie: She
also uses me for my um… neck of the woods I guess.
TheFangedFaerie: She meets this guy at my place,
but she won't call ahead to say she's coming over.

courtjester5000: Necking in the wrong woods?

TheFangedFaerie: She is now.
And she's apparently jealous of me, and gets more so the closer I get to her new boyfriend. As in the guy I set her up with. Retarded woman. The end.
courtjester5000: So she can't see the forest for the trees?
TheFangedFaerie: Sure.
So, how's life my nature friend?
courtjester5000: In 2003, SUV's accounted for a startling 35% of pollution in Top 100 U.S.

courtjester5000: I would encourage you to choose a hybrid car.
TheFangedFaerie: Good thing I don't own an SUV.
I'd get a hybrid if I had the money. Green paper, that is.
courtjester5000: Skip the wasteful green paper, it's all about the cheddar.
TheFangedFaerie: Cheddar? That's valid currency when buying a vehicle?

courtjester5000: Certainly is, no car salesman can resist the all-natural impact of

: News to me.
That makes me wonder if you've ever purchased a car, yourself.
courtjester5000: That makes me wonder if you've ever considered spearheading a glass recycling
initiative in your town.

TheFangedFaerie: No, I have not.

TheFangedFaerie: However, I do recycle my aluminum cans. Yay.
courtjester5000: Any more excitement out of you and I am going to be forced to toss cardboard in
your recycling bin.

TheFangedFaerie: How do you keep your sense of
humor so strong and steady? Mine's flagging, sadly.
TheFangedFaerie: Also, I don't have cardboard in my
recycling bin yet.

courtjester5000: Shall we say you are now “boxed in” to a meaningless

courtjester5000: Keep flagging, patriot.
courtjester5000: And remember, Nader in 2004.

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