Thanks for visiting my profile. I guess here’s where I tell you a little bit about myself. God, I hate these things… Well, anyway, here it goes: My name’s Allie. I’m a single female praying mantis, recently widowed (again). I’m spiritual, though not necessarily religious (I do “pray” — LOL!) and a stay-at-home mom to 200 great kids.
What else about me? I’m a non-smoker and social drinker who loves Coldplay (the older, pre-conscious uncoupling years), cooking, reading, eating my partner’s head after sex, traveling, and watching TV (I am addicted to This is Us). I have an average build (round metathorax, a few extra pounds on the mesothorax, busty-but-all-natural prothorax, shapely raptorial forelegs, cute antennae), trying to get back into shape after laying 200 eggs. I’m sure you’ve noticed the bikini pic in my photos. I admit it’s not a recent one (sorry!). It’s from a few years ago, but I just recently signed up for a spin class, so hopefully I’ll get my bikini bod back in no time!
Three things I can’t live without?
1. My family (I come from a big, crazy Dictyoptera family)
2. My phone (LOL!)
3. Mind-blowing sex that culminates with me eating my partner’s head (nom nom nom!)
Wow, everything so far is me, me, me. You must think I’m the most self-absorbed praying mantis on this site! LOL! Here’s what I’m looking for in a man(tis): He must be tall, good looking with a nice head, be employed, have his own place (no still living at home with mommy LOL!), be manly but also not afraid to show his softer side, he’s a one-woman man(tis), will let me devour his head after mating, doesn’t play games, has good “taste” (hehe), and a soft, palatable head.
Did I mention that he must be open to sexual cannibalism? I want a man who is self-assured and knows what he wants—and that’s having his head crushed by my mandibles as we make mad, passionate love.
If you’re still reading my profile up to this point, I’ll assume the whole little eating-your-head-off-after-sex thing isn’t a deal breaker. If so, you’re exactly the kind of man I’m looking for… a guy that’s not afraid of commitment or giving himself completely to his partner.
My idea of a perfect date: you and me at a cute little bed-and-breakfast in the Poconos. After a romantic candlelight dinner, we’ll go back to our room, light a cozy fire, open a bottle of champagne, and while a snowstorm rages silently outside our window, we’ll fall passionately into each other’s arms and make love—and then I’ll climax as I devour your entire head.
Is that okay to include that in my profile, or not? I’ve struggled with this part for a while. Understandably, some men could be turned off by this little “quirk” or consider it a “boner-killer.” My initial reaction was, if I reveal this goofy little “kink” I have right out of the gate, it could potentially prevent me from meeting a great guy. All of my friends are like, “You’ve got a great personality; let them get to know you, first. After two or three dates, I’m sure the right guy will appreciate you for what you are: a strong, independent female of the Mantis religiosa order who chomps her lover’s head off as a reproductive strategy to enhance fertilization while obtaining sustenance.”
For a while, I asked myself: “Is there something wrong with me? Why do I always ruin a perfectly good relationship by eating the guy’s head off?” But I recently talked to my therapist about it and she was like, “Allie, you’re a praying mantis. You eat your partner’s head after mating. That’s what you do. To deny this is to deny your ‘praying mantis-ness,’ to deny what makes you… you.” And you know what? She’s right.
After my last relationship, I promised myself that I would start living a more authentic life. I’m not going to stop eating the heads off of my mates after sex just because “the patriarchy frowns on it, Allie,” or “Hey, isn’t that technically murder?” Don’t lay your hang-ups on me. I’ve decided that I’m not going to settle for less anymore. If a guy doesn’t want me to devour his head after mating, then maybe he’s just not the right guy for me.
I know, I know… TMI! Anyway, that’s me. If anything at all in my profile struck a chord with you, drop me a line. Also, please know I don’t respond to guys who don’t have a profile pic. I’ve put myself out there, it’s only fair that you do the same (preferably photos that show the whole head). Oh, and if you’re a grasshopper or cricket (not discriminating, just personal preference), please continue on to the next profile.