Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Our app connects you with those ready to give you quick cash for the short-term use of the mouth you already have.
Our institution has always transformed negative experiences into learning opportunities; that’s kind of our whole deal.
Bruce: With this very unpleasin' sneezin' and wheezin, she’s revved up like a deuce. Me: Layman’s terms? Bruce: It’s totaled.
We’ve also shitloaded that thing with, like, 17 green olives from the most overpriced gourmet grocery store we could find.
★★★ Watched on the toilet. Very meta experience. Would recommend.
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
Firstly, you shouldn’t be put off by the fact this milk is from a rat. This is top-shelf stuff in the rodent milk world.
It had just recently opened the moment I turned the corner, as I have no object permanence.
It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.
I was craning to see if you laughed at the Minions meme I sent and saw my contact name was just my number with "Maybe: Neil" under it.
You know what they say: you can’t live in the past, when all of my achievements paled in comparison to yours.
- I am not interested in emails such as these. - My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted. - I am interested in not receiving these emails.