We’re sorry to see you go! What is your reason for unsubscribing?

  • I no longer want to receive these emails.
  • I am not interested in emails such as these.
  • My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted.
  • I am interested in not receiving these emails.
  • I detest these emails.
  • I subscribed by accident.
  • I subscribed to remove myself from an awkward social situation.
  • I subscribed out of an intense but unrequited crush.
  • The content of this email is offensive.
  • These emails support the Dutch. I am Anti-Dutch.
  • These emails support the Anti-Dutch but I am Dutch.
  • In truth, I only subscribed out of loneliness.
  • In the whole wide world, there is hardly a little boy lonelier than me.
  • The void is my familiar.
  • I felt so empty and lonesome, but if I receive many emails, I thought, perhaps some relief can be had?
  • And it worked, for a time.
  • But I grew tired of the emails I was getting.
  • I signed up for more, which helped.
  • But it only worked for a while.
  • More, always more, more subscriptions, more email lists.
  • The local aquarium alerted me twice daily to a special exhibit of otters.
  • My computer strained under the effort of receiving so many messages.
  • I burned through six phones.
  • My girlfriend Susan grew concerned.
  • This being Susan, who had supported my little cartoons and encouraged my dreams of becoming one day a cartoonist.
  • Susan said it was her or the emails.
  • Once Susan was gone, it got easier to subscribe to more emails.
  • Then, one day, it happened.
  • I hit rock bottom.
  • There were no more emails to get. I had subscribed to them all.
  • Even to each and every Brooklyn journalist’s Substack.
  • I stopped eating, stopped drinking.
  • My neighbor who lives alone grew concerned and called my sister, who he had dated in high school and still thought of often.
  • My sister and her husband picked me up from the hospital but demanded that I make a change.
  • I tried Inbox Zero.
  • I am trying therapy.
  • I am trying yoga.
  • I am making progress.
  • Progress is slow.
  • Recovery is a journey.
  • I no longer want to receive these emails.
  • I no longer want to be the person who receives these emails.
  • This is the last email I subscribe to.
  • I do not wish to receive these messages.
  • Besides, I rarely, if ever, shop at The Gap.

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