Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
If someone had asked me before I found her who Amelia Earhart was, I would have asked “Who?” unsuspiciously.
The reality: You wouldn’t guess that gasoline is more precious than blood in the Southern Wastes with how long these rats were on that engine block.
Concocting a knuckle sandwich is a delicacy in itself, and should be taken with care.
You don't really believe the peeing in bottles thing do you? If that were true, these blankets wouldn't be so soft and comforting.
I woke up early. It doesn’t mean I experience the world differently. Coffee sometimes courses through my veins like a horse on EPO.
Form A Team Of International Criminals To Rob The US Treasury: It’s on your mind now, it’s all you can think about, and you know what? Why not?
I’ve got a six-pack and hands that are strong but somehow also soft. Does that seem like someone who needs the vaccine right now?
You know, obviously I figured I’d do it at some point, but it always seemed so far away. It was something for when I was older.
Stranger still, though, is to accept the behavior of John and Maria as that of two characters who do not ultimately have sex.
May: The Memento effect begins to set in as the temperature starts to go up. You start to hear people say things like "Winter wasn’t even that bad."
Gotham's oldest enemy? Health and safety code. How do people keep falling into pits of bubbly wubbly goo?
NAME: Sisyphus DEPARTMENT: Underworld; Futile Labor/Endless Toil and Frustration POSITION: Boulder Administrator/Rock Coordinator