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He loves late-night, steamy phone calls when I’m home alone. I always tell him it’s such a boomer move but he just loves hearing my voice!
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
Hamm from "Toy Story": Manufactured from plastic, Hamm should be the last option on anybody's transplant list.
The Ethics Committee has taken notice of how January has benefitted from gym memberships, weight loss medications, and black-eyed peas sales for decades.
So, I mean, you wouldn’t ask me to go in there and risk an encounter with ghosts, would you? I could just give you a free upgrade to large.
I’ve been locked in a trunk so many times I’m startin’ to think I’m a set of jumper cables!
What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to laugh during all sorts of zany shenanigans.
You ever pick up a felled tree in the woods? Of course you haven’t! That sucker probably weighs 500 pounds! That’s the stuff I’m made of, baby.
While all of you were walking on pavement like cavemen, I was defying gravity up in space.
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.
We used to be a roller disco, and decided to pay tribute to our history by keeping the floors just as lacquered as they were in 1977.
How could two islands of near-identical climate, geology, and elevation give rise to two such distinct, yet delicious creatures? Science rocks.