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Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.
We used to be a roller disco, and decided to pay tribute to our history by keeping the floors just as lacquered as they were in 1977.
How could two islands of near-identical climate, geology, and elevation give rise to two such distinct, yet delicious creatures? Science rocks.
Making January fly by depends upon how much, or how little, you acknowledge in your mind that it's actually January.
Widely considered the apex of the Spider-Man films, the first sequel is also significant because its release coincided with the passing of my second kidney stone.
Honestly, if it wasn’t good in the "Bourne" movies, who thought shaky cam would be good to use over my third-grade musical?
I will complain about my shin splints roughly four times a day. I know my chiropractor will already be a zombie by that point (R.I.P. Dr. Gordon).
So magical are they, that if you purchase them now, by tomorrow they’ll be worth thousands, perhaps even millions of dollars!
The bar gets lower every year, and you still haven't managed to clear it. But this one. This is the year. You can feel it.
First off, my name is Jonathan. No one called me John, except Billy Joel. So were we really even friends?
And so I asked Conqueror if he was a new Uber driver, and he said unto me, "As a matter of fact, this is my first day driving."
Beethoven, Mozart, the one who wrote the song that plays during "Ocean’s 11" when they’re looking at the fountains. Yup, all those guys. And probably more.