The bar gets lower every year, and you still haven't managed to clear it. But this one. This is the year. You can feel it.
I'm looking forward to when boob sweat makes its annual migration toward those hapless people in the southern hemisphere.
The thank-you note was from Whiskers, Sam Meowliot, and Purrt Russell. They also showed their gratitude by leaving some fur in the cookies.
In hindsight, you probably should have spent more time tilling the ground than posting seductive selfies in your gardening hat, but that's okay.
Some people say that sharks take nibbles to satisfy their curiosity. Rest assured, we're coming to bite you because we want to bite you.
While I could find satisfaction in work, the steps I take while pacing tearfully in the work bathroom help me add thousands of steps each week.
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.
Create clothing from frozen vegetables. People always want to wear as little clothing as possible during the summertime. That's a big mistake.
Princesses are always getting smooched and we can get kisses, too! And hey, if we're going through a dry spell, a frog's not the worst option.
Your complimentary shirt will consist almost entirely of sponsor names. You can take part in the latest trend: advertising local plumbing services.
If that’s not bad enough, the elk start head-butting each other out of sheer horniness for all to see. It’s like living in a frat house.
Now I know smart car person phrases like, “you can tell the water pump is going out when you press the radio button and water squirts out.”