We’re Offering 10 Percent Off If This Golden Corral Turns into a Food Fight Warzone
If you find yourself eating our classic pot roast and one of our comfortable and sturdy chairs flies by your head, please do not be alarmed.
Comedy Writing
I Just Returned from Space and I Will Bring It Up at Every Social Gathering
While all of you were walking on pavement like cavemen, I was defying gravity up in space.
The Final Day of Blockbuster as Told by a Traumatized Employee
I didn’t have a chance to respond as that monster of a machine came back around, running over a cardboard standup of Neo from "The Matrix."
Apologies Again to the Ghost I Ignored Due to My Excessive Crying
I did see you knock a few cups off of my counter, but that was only because I took a break from my constant sobbing.
These Constant Fireworks I Hear Every Night Before Bed Is Exactly What I Needed
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
Satan Is Now on Cameo to Give You All Types of Shoutouts
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.