Valued customer,

We understand that the various incidents that have occurred at our establishments have been all over the news lately, and we want to make it clear that despite the impressive amount of space at all of our locations, that is not a green light to pursue a hostile takeover.

However, we have come to learn that the majority of battles that occur at our restaurants have been triggered by customers being so incredibly passionate about our numerous options that they simply must let others know. That said, we must inform all those that visit any Golden Corral of the steps to take if confronted with this particular situation.

First, thank you for choosing Golden Corral as your food choice for the evening, as we are completely aware that there are many other establishments that may pose less of a risk to you, but you instead decided to have a taste of our various meals which we proudly keep in storage containers for you all.

We want to make it clear that our customers having a positive dining experience is our number one priority. And nothing will change that mindset; not even if America’s favorite buffet suddenly turns into a warzone.

If you find yourself eating our classic pot roast and one of our comfortable and sturdy chairs flies by your head, please do not be alarmed. Just follow the procedure and grab your plate and any loved ones you entered our restaurant with and take cover under our tables. This will keep you from getting hit with any flying debris and still allow you to enjoy our delicious food without a concussion. We must, however, advise you not to get involved if your fellow dinner patrons suddenly start punching and kicking one another as if they’re part of an early ‘90s Martin Scorcese film. Let them work it out and try to understand people are all about our food.

There is a chance that glassware may be tossed and shattered all over. Please try to remain calm. One of our well-paid employees will be more than happy to clean up the area as soon as the threat of violence upon them has decreased. We inform all of our loyal employees to keep an eye on the war advisory system taped on every one of our walls. Feel free to give it a look on your way out. It’s near the bucket of toothpicks and mints and the one random chair.

Amid the chaos, there is also a possibility that plenty of horrid swear words will be exchanged between people. We here at Golden Corral do not condone such aggressive language unless one is talking about how much they love our famous golden shrimp or our legendary baked potato bar.

A lot of emotions may be running high during the commotion so do not be surprised if food is thrown from one side of the dining room to the other. Our large variety of meals are so filling that often some patrons want others to have a taste. Here at Golden Corral, we are family and sharing is important to us.

We want all of our customers to feel like we care about them, so please accept 10 percent off your entire bill if any of the above happens to occur while you’re dining. All that we ask is that you leave positive remarks about your dining experience on the comment card attached to your check using the pen that has been used by hundreds of customers before you.

If you prefer to do it over the phone please call us during hours of operation. Continue to call if we do not answer right away as chances are we are dealing with an issue or we have been taken hostage by a customer or customers.