It is your favorite bad boy Satan here to tell you that I have decided to hop on the bandwagon and join Cameo in order to connect with all my followers. I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
I am very much open to any type of shoutout you throw my way. Do you have a friend that is about to turn another year older? Fantastic! I will gladly send them a video message reminding them that they are not only closer to their death date, but also closer to meeting me in-person to pay for all of the sins that I cheered on throughout their life. Would you rather wish yourself a happy birthday? Even better! I will make sure to send you some birthday wishes since instead of making friends you decided to devote your entire life to serving me. Either way, you’re getting quite the celebratory shoutout!
My messages aren’t just reserved for birthdays. I can also wish your husband or wife a happy anniversary. I’ve sent plenty of temptations your way, most of which were copied by the film Eyes Wide Shut, so you should be impressed by the longevity in your marriage—even if you can’t stand the sight of one another. Your partner will be so surprised when Satan himself has some words for them on your behalf. It will also be a nice memory to look back on when one of you eventually decides that it is time to poison your partner’s dinner.
It doesn’t even have to be a special occasion. You can simply request me to send someone in your life a surprise message. Know someone who is feeling down? Don’t worry, I will notify them that the end of the human race as we know is just around the corner. Want to give your coworker a pick-me-up? No problem at all. I’ll send them passages from the bible and we can all have a good laugh together. Have someone in your life that needs some direction? Leave it to Lucifer to direct them right into the Church of Satan. Hey, I’m here to help!
Hell, I’ll even make sure to surprise that demonic-possessed person in your life with a video congratulating them on being worthy enough to be taken over by one of my naughty pals. Just imagine the look on their face when they see me giving them quite the round of applause followed by a mouth whistle. Their eyes will roll to the back of their head even more and they’ll puke with excitement. What a sight!
Sure, collecting souls has allowed me to create a bond with you all, but I am now elated that there is another way to have even more intimate encounters with my fans. Our relationship with one another will only get stronger, which will go a long way when we finally join forces to defeat all that is good while riding on the backs of flaming horses. That’s why I think my presence on Cameo will go a long way in accomplishing that.
And don’t forget that there is a section where you can leave your reviews and inform other followers of the incredible video I made for you. Don’t feel any pressure to leave me five stars, but just know that you will have to explain yourself when you eventually spend an eternity with me. But enough about that.
I’ll see you on Cameo!