Getting electrocuted in the Menlo Park mall on the big man’s birthday is on my bucket list, but 2022 is not going to be the year I cross that one off.
The Overly-Anxious, Child-Free Shopper’s Guide to Selecting a Gift for a Coworker’s Daughter’s Eighth Birthday Party
If you buy a homemade ice cream maker or a cookie decorating kit, you are contributing to the child obesity epidemic sweeping America.
Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you’re doing that, why don’t you all sing Happy Birthday?
Hoping things for the recipient is important. Also, there's a direct relationship between the message timing and its perceived value, so avoid delay.
When Sting was my age, he decided to quit The Police because he “wasn’t feeling it anymore.” I’ve never even talked to the police.
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
I reached my biblical allotment of three score and ten. I am, as St. Paul wrote in his second letter to the Corinthians, “playing with house money.”
Why I Went to Greg Johnson’s 8th Birthday Party Instead of Going to See Michael Jordan and the 1996 Chicago Bulls
The party was going to have two different kinds of ice cream cake. / I had serious concerns whether Dennis Rodman was going to be a good roster fit.
I’ll try to bring a present. But really, isn’t the inevitable boost in social clout you and I will get from this post worth more than any gift?
Live life to the fullest by watching documentaries about it. / Feel comfortable in your own skin because it’s a little more saggy now.
One especially pleasing development is how Grandpa has started taking responsibility for his actions.
I don’t need to remind you about the “Flower Pot Fiasco," the “Macaroni Art Disaster," or the “I Thought It Wasn’t Until Next Month” flop.