Happy Birthday to My Father, Who Is Not on Social Media and Thus Will Never See This
I’ll try to bring a present. But really, isn’t the inevitable boost in social clout you and I will get from this post worth more than any gift?
Tag: Birthdays
27 Ways to Age without Feeling Good about Yourself
Live life to the fullest by watching documentaries about it. / Feel comfortable in your own skin because it’s a little more saggy now.
You Are Cordially Invited to Grandpa’s 7th Emotional Birthday Party
One especially pleasing development is how Grandpa has started taking responsibility for his actions.
I Refuse to Be the Only One Responsible for Mom’s Birthday Present
I don’t need to remind you about the “Flower Pot Fiasco," the “Macaroni Art Disaster," or the “I Thought It Wasn’t Until Next Month” flop.
Escape Room Mission Report for Susan’s 16th Birthday Party
When Lisa got bored and snuck a peek at the cobwebs, Julie told everyone about Lisa’s crush on your dandruffy history teacher.
It’s My Birthday Year!
QUARTER-BIRTHDAY: We'll kick things off with a low-key brunch nine months in advance of my birthday.
What to Expect With Your First 18-Year-Old War
Your war gets into Yale, just like its father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. Your war is a C student, just like its father.
[Title Blocked Until You Pledge To My Patreon]
Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.
The Worst Part About Aging is the Awful Birthday Cards
For those of us over 60, cards could say, “Congratulations on outwitting the grim reaper, keep up the good work!”
Is My Mom Worth a $7 Birthday Card?
I love you, mom. But as I comb through CVS's cards, I wonder: Are you worth the $7 I'm forking out for glitter, cheap puns, and a 12-second clip of "La Bamba"?
Evite to Kim Jong-Un’s Birthday Party
As you guys know, our friend, companion, Supreme Autocrat, and dynamite singer Kim Jong-Un is having a birthday in a few weeks. What are you guys' thoughts on a party?
You’re 33, I’m Not Coming to Your Half-Birthday Party
My niece is seven, and half-birthday parties are barely acceptable for her. And she’s a goddamn princess. Are you a princess, Lou?