Benjamin Alpert | Points in Case

Benjamin Alpert Westwood, NJ

Started from the bottom Still here

Comedy Writing

Hamm from "Toy Story": Manufactured from plastic, Hamm should be the last option on anybody's transplant list.

Three tricycles, $170.00? What does a man need with three tricycles? I’ve never once seen him exercise!

Post on Instagram to both notify the public of your shared sentiment on their struggle while promoting Domino’s new $7.99 carryout special.

“Young ladies and gentlemen, meet Finnius Fletcherbottom, head professor of our newest department, necessary this year, Wizarding IT!”

DO invest in companies exploring alternative energy, such as General Electric (GE), Chevron (CVX), and my cousin’s cannabis farm, WEEDENERGY.

Zoinks! Accuweather.com doesn’t want to rain on your parade, but we need that juicy, juicy marketing money to keep powering these weather puns.

Every time I wearily hang my head into my hands and grit my teeth in frustration, there’s the media, plastering my visage on every downcast article.

How did you hear about this opening? Indeed, LinkedIn, or National Inquirer?

Pfizer Video: $6/month, $720/month without insurance / Costco Flix: $17/month, but only if you agree to stream all the movies together at once

Fifty Best Books of the 2010s: Uh-oh, might as well skip this listicle. We both know you didn’t read fifty books in the 2010s.

Did signal his phone screen had fallen and cracked And thus with a shudder, he swallowed his pride And off to the Whovilleplex Mall did he ride

I know it’s not very masculine, but it’s really more for my family than anything. I would have gone with a bigger one if not for my wife.