Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch
Who lived just north of Whoville
Did NOT

The Grinch hated Christmas, ‘twas far too commercial
He preferred traditional Christian rehearsal
But one day a THUNK and a SPLAT and a THWACK
Did signal his phone screen had fallen and cracked
And thus with a shudder, he swallowed his pride
And off to the Whovilleplex Mall did he ride
To forget his stance and hope to high heaven
He still could find deals on an iPhone 11

The Whos got there early, the girls and the boys
To grab the best doorbuster deals on the toys
They’d blow on the Snoozlehorn and play the Farcleffen
(Both apps they had bought on the iPhone 11)
“I don’t like these kids” the Grinch grumbled and fussed
As the woman whose spot he had stolen did cuss

“They’re addicted to screens,” he declared, much ironic
As his Thanksgiving meal was just as telephonic
“Why, when I was a kid, we would go out and sled,”
[His generation, mind you, had left ice caps dead] “We’d play football, no trophy just for participation”
[Though the trophies were purchased by his generation.]

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL AWFUL IDEA

“All I need is to steal all the tech from these homes,
We’ll see just how festive Whoville is without their phones.”
But the first thing was first, and an upgrade he wanted
So into the Best Buy he sauntered, undaunted

He sat for four hours, he sat for four more
The Tech Bar was the busiest part of the store
His place in the queue was quite unassailable
But this holiday season was the most retail-able
By the time he had reached some employee assistance
The long wait had worn down his stoic resistance
And so he was upsold Verizon’s top plan
And returning home, felt a defeated man

“I know just what to do,” he leapt up with a start
And the tech hatred surged with each beat of his heart
The Grinch crafted a plan to make up a fake reindeer
And a fake sled and outfit to rob Christmas cheer
The Grinch lacked the skills to sew up his own suit
Not to mention make his dog look like reindeer to boot
There was hope still at hand, a teacher incorporeal
He pulled up his phone for a YouTube tutorial

“How hard this would be,” he mused with a grin
“without YouTube’s help, I’d be done right in.”
In return to vendetta, he dismissed the thought.
“These children are too hooked on screens that they bought.”
He would have continued but YouTube suggested
A playlist of celebrities being arrested

Several hours later, the Grinch had descended
And Whoville’s evening of serenity ended
He leapt through a chimney and descended by night
With the aid of his smart phone’s heavy-duty flashlight
From under the boughs of the tree, he plucked Zoozles
And Flimflamflazoozits and Happitymoozles
With each item he stole, he would google its uses
Feeling out of the loop, he could make no excuses
“Phenomenal service” he’d say in a dead-zone
As the LTE symbol remained on his phone

And the Grinch grabbed the tech gifts and shoved them up the chimney
When a noise like the patter of feet sounded dimly
He turned around fast and he saw a small Who
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two
“Ahh,” he exhaled with a sigh of relief
For he thought he’d been caught by one who knew a thief
But a child of two was no threat, he knew right
So he waltzed to the chimney and bid her a goodnight.

A blinding, strong light lit the whole of the home
Turning fast, he saw Cindy Lou Who with her phone
She had started recording the entire night’s theft
With her old iPhone 10, that she held in her left
While her right had a Samsung that also was rolling
Double the footage and the double the scrolling

“No please,” he implored her, “don’t post this online.”
“But why Grinch,” she replied, “are you taking what’s mine?”
That old Grinch was a clever and sinister liar
“I’m upgrading all of the tech, you desire.
Your father, you see, had bought you a drone.
And mother did purchase the latest iPhone
But your mother did not even spring for the Pro
Dad got some off-brand model you won’t even know
So off to my workshop, I must make improvements
I’ll be back in a flash, with just a few movements.”

The little girl might normally be a bit skeptic
But milk and cookies rendered her narcoleptic
So off to bed she did return in a pinch
And out of the house escaped the old Grinch

It was six in the morning when he opened his apps
And set for “Mount Crumpit” on his Google Maps
Smartphones by the hundred had laden his trunk
And so up the mountain, he slipped and he slunk
“Take that, all you Whos!” he did shout at the summit
While preparing for all of his spoils to plummet

“Any moment they’ll wake up and miss their sweet laptops
They’ll miss their new tablets, they’ll summon the cops.
Their mouths will hang open a minute or more.
Then return to get a whole new round at the store.
But the Best Buy is empty, the Target all sold
The Wal-Mart bamboozled, the Costco must fold
At last on this Christmas, they’ll go back to Jesus
And play more outside, nothing could more please us.”

But the sound the Grinch heard wasn’t sad in the slightest
His face, once so green, quickly paled to the whitest
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small
Was scrolling the internet without phones at all
He hadn’t stopped screen-time from coming
IT CAME

Somehow or other it came just the same
Their watches had WiFi
Their consoles connected
Their Kindles had internet
Who could have suspected?
“I have the devices,” said Grinch, “this can’t be!”
But no longer were phones the world’s only 4G
Even Who fridges had some connectivity
Who cars as well, if it was their proclivity

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice cold in the snow
Stood puzzling and puzzling, “How could it be so?”
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought “can be bought from a store.”
“Because that’s the only tradition anymore.”
And what happened then?
Well in Whoville they say
That the Grinch’s wireless plan grew three sizes that day

This story bought to you by Verizon’s new Unlimited Multi-Device Streaming Plan! Don’t be a Grinch—get all your devices hooked up today!


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