So many haters. Haters and losers, folks, what can you do? They’re jealous, and they’re losers. Lying. Always lies. So many lies, about everything. All things. The fake news media claims, they think, I’m anti-Semitic. But you know that’s impossible. After all, how could it be possible when my son-in-law, Jared Kushner, is in charge of my administration’s economic and media policies? 

I love the Jews, folks. I’m from New York, so many Jews. They run everything. Well, now I run everything. Did we win or what? Landslide. The Jews are so good, they almost remind me of myself. Always dealing. Some of the best deals. And the television they do. I hate liberal Hollywood, but boy those Hollywood Jews are the best at their jobs. The Hollywood Jews. Special group, some say, I’ve heard people say, a dangerous group. Which is why we’re being so careful, the most careful in history… Ever. Extreme vetting, for the Jews too. So I keep Jared right next to me. Keeping an eye on him. Smart. 

Jared’s good with the money and media. It’s in his blood, trained from birth. And he’s married to my gorgeous daughter, Ivanka. So beautiful. So many people are jealous of Jared. Can you blame them? Look at her. How on earth did he land that thoroughbred, with the legs and the hair and the body? Especially with his nose and, and well, you know. But hey, she loves him, what can a father do? I’m happy, I’m happy, she’s happy. He likes the dollars and the cents and making money for my company and America. Good worker. Can’t hate a good Jewish worker. 

The Jews see the money and all the great television we do. The Apprentice. I impressed a lot of the Jews with those ratings. 

And don’t get me started on Israel. Seriously, folks, do you want me to be here all day? One of my favorite countries. All-time favorites. The Holy Land, people. And Bibi. Bibi and I, he loves me. Calls me once a day to tell me how good I’m doing. People whine on failing CNN, “Donald hates the Jews!” But CNN is going under. I know this kind of stuff. Losing money. Maybe if they had more Jews, they’d be making money. Sad for CNN with all the advantages they got, to lose all this money. Israel doing what it’s doing under Bibi, that’s what the Jews want. All of the Jews agrees with Bibi. So Jared proves, he proves, Israel proves, Bibi, Ivanka proves, I love the Jews. No more proof than that. 

It’s simple. Really, really, simple. You’d have to be really dumb to not get this. Dumb like… just so dumb. Can’t hate the Jews if Jared’s in my administration and I let Bibi do whatever he wants. The Jews, before this election, most liberal group in America. Never voted for us, never voted for our side. Now look. Look at everything I’ve accomplished so quickly. The movement. Huge rallies in support of me, all the Jews there. “Jew rallies,” I call them. They see Jared, they see me, they see the money and all the great television we do. The Apprentice. I impressed a lot of the Jews with those ratings. 

You get one great actor, Chuck Schumer, probably paid, to pretend to cry. Is he even Jewish? Who knows, I don’t know, doesn’t matter. But what a performance. Oscar-worthy. The fake media, they put out the false story, and all of a sudden, everyone’s lying and says I can’t stand the Hebrews. Hebrews, Israelites, I know all the terms. Ask Jared if I hate the Jews. Ask him, I’m here. Steve Bannon, the great Steve Bannon, he’ll tell you right away. I don’t hate the Jews. I love the Jews. Wheeling and dealing, making great money. Jared’s a key part of that. 

It’s crazy when people say I hate the Jews. Jared, he’s in my family, now he’s in charge of so much, well I’m in charge, but he helps, and I wouldn’t let Ivanka marry him if he wasn’t so good with money and media and the Jew stuff. He’s so key in the President Donald J. Trump administration. Making America great again. Helps with the biggest decisions, and letting Bibi do his thing. All the Jews want is money and power. How could I hate them?

It’s sad, a shame. But bring it on, I’ll fight and win again. I love the Jews, love their businesses and their television networks and all their control they have over everything. Fake news, people, what can you do? Next thing you know, they’ll be saying I hate the blacks even though my cabinet has the one and only Ben Carson.