Last week CNN said Venezuela doesn't want CNN doing stories about them. When Venezuela heard what CNN said, they replied, "Did you not understand what I said?" CNN answered that if they didn't want CNN to hear what they were saying, maybe they shouldn't talk so loudly. "Besides," CNN continued, "Guyana can't help but hear everything you're saying and he's getting really tired of listening to you bitch about CNN."
To this, Guyana replied, "Please leave me out of this; I have to live next to Venezuela." Venezuela, in response to this, asked Guyana if they, in fact, felt this way, to which Guyana answered that Venezuela was a great person who Guyana really liked. Venezuela replied that that wasn't really an answer to the question.
"Shut up, Canada!" Brazil started screaming, "You've never even won a war!" At this point CNN began to laugh. Venezuela reminded CNN that no one had invited him there. Then he suggested CNN was only doing stories about Venezuela because CNN might be feeling a little bit insecure about its own newsworthiness and that was why CNN felt he had to write stories about Venezuela all day long. CNN didn't answer for a while, and clearly had a few tears in his eyes, but eventually he told Venezuela in no uncertain terms that with Oscar season here CNN wouldn't even give a damn about Venezuela anymore.
Venezuela, suddenly feeling hurt, told CNN that without Venezuela, they wouldn't have any interesting stories anyone would want to hear. CNN scoffed pretty loudly at this, and started screaming, "Uh gee! I don't know? Afghanistan! Iran! Iraq! Egypt! Pakistan! China! North Korea! China again! Justin Bieber! Should I go on?!"
This exchange was interrupted by Bolivia who leaned out of his kitchen window and started screaming for all of them to shut up. Then Brazil hurled a rolled up newspaper at Bolivia from his window, now suddenly annoyed by Bolivia's tirade.
At this point, Canada, who had been power walking out of her neighborhood, found herself in the middle of the Latin debacle. She interceded between Venezuela and Bolivia, who at this point were circling each other with ninja stars, and began to speak to them of friendship and goodwill. "Shut up, Canada!" Brazil started screaming, "You've never even won a war!" Canada, staying classy, wished the angry countries and CNN well, told them "Namaste," to which CNN and Venezuela clearly rolled their eyes, and ran on her way back home.
"Why don't you head home with Canada!" Venezuela chided. "I hate Canada!" came the clear answer from CNN. It seemed that this hatred of Canada would be the one thing that could bring all the countries and the news organization together. They had a hearty laugh about the way Canadians say the word "about," then they ate a bunch of churros and CNN promised not to write any more stories about Venezuela no matter how much police oppression they have or how many children they pistol whip.