FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: John Miller
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Trump University is proud to announce three new course offerings for the newly formed College of Political Science, and an additional three for the School of Business.
This is huge!
With the knowledge and skills provided in these classes, any American, who can take out a loan large enough to pay the tuition, can learn the Donald's secrets for success in business as well as politics.
New 2017 College of Political Science course offerings include:
PS 102 – The New Racism
Are you feeling alone and out of step because of your deep hatred for people who aren't like you? Do your friends get upset when you talk about it out loud? Well, maybe it's not what you're saying but how you’re saying it.
In this course, you'll learn to use clever language to disguise your racist beliefs. We'll show you how to tap into people's fears to get away with branding all Muslims as terrorists. You'll learn the Donald's personal strategy for vilifying Hispanics just for wanting to build a better life. We guarantee that with our program you'll get so good at this that you'll be able to convince even the most ardent skeptics of the need to build a wall 300 feet high and to make Mexico pay for it.
But there’s more!
We'll show you how to dismiss any challenge to your racist views—no matter how valid—as liberal “political correctness” run amok. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll show you how to attack your critics with clever names like “little Marco,” “lying Ted,” “low-energy Jeb” or “crooked Hillary.” You’ll learn how to play the “reverse racism” card to brand anyone—even a federal judge—as being against you just because of his or her ethnic heritage.
This is a strategy you, like the Donald, can ride all the way to the White House!
Bonus! Top students in this class will be eligible to sign up for next year's course “Why We Hate Jews, Catholics, Blacks and, of course, the Irish.” Personally taught by the Donald himself.
PS 101 – Catch Phrase
“Build the wall!”
“Lock her up!”
“Drain the swamp!”
What do these catch phrases have in common? That's right, they're all three words. But more than that, they're all three syllables!
When it comes to an effective catch phrase, three is the magic number!
This course will explain why a good catch phrase trumps well-thought-out policy positions every time. Don't believe it? Just ask Hillary Clinton!
We'll begin by exploring the pioneering work of Adolf Hitler and his memorable rallying cry, “Kill the Jews!” We'll move on to examine the elegant simplicity of Dwight Eisenhower's, “I like Ike,” and the “Hope and Change” catch phrase of our first foreign-born Muslim president, Barack Obama.
Not only that, we'll preview Donald Trump's 2018 mid-term election slogan, “Go to War!”
PS 103 – Beyond Truth: Post-Truth
Some people think reality is fixed—as in something either happened or it didn't.
These people are losers!
With a little bit of knowledge, a Twitter account, and some high-placed friends in Russia, anyone can create an alternate reality that will appeal to millions.
We'll start by sharing the Donald's strategy of dismissing all intelligence briefings, advice from leading economists and traditional news reports that don't fit into the preconceived reality he is trying to create. Then we'll show you how to turn the table on critics by labeling them “fake news.” We'll also explore strategies anyone can use to distract the media and millions of voters from any thoughtful policy discussions with just a few incendiary tweets.
Best of all, top students in the class will have a chance to travel to Moscow to participate in advanced classes taught by top KGB handlers!
New 2017 School of Business course offerings include:
BS 101 – The Secrets to My Success!
How to prey on people's hopes and dreams to swindle them out of millions!
You'll learn how you too can start a bogus university for the sole purpose of swindling hardworking Americans out of their life's savings. Think it can't be done? Think again. If Donald Trump can do it, so can you!
We'll share the full business strategy the Donald used to start his own fake real estate university. You'll learn how to hold out the promise of massive wealth and success to trick people into maxing out their credit cards, tapping into their 401(k) accounts and even mortgaging their homes to pay their tuition—all while providing absolutely no useful lessons in return.
All it takes to be a success in this business is a little know-how and a complete lack of ethics and morality!
Best of all, you can apply everything you learn in this class to any future run for the presidency!
BS 102 – Bankruptcy! The Key to Making Real Money
How to make millions for yourself while driving a business into the ground and leaving your creditors holding the bag.
Think bankruptcy can't be profitable? Think again!
You'll learn how to start a business, get massive loans, siphon off every penny you can for your personal wealth and then declare bankruptcy—leaving your creditors and small business owners holding the bag! This is a business model that can't fail! Don't take our word for it! Ask Donald Trump. He's done it not once … not twice … but four times!
Soon, you too could be jetting off in your private plane to your private island with your third or fourth wife while pension funds and small investors are left to pick up the pieces. But just like the Donald, you won't have to worry about it! Once you've declared bankruptcy, it's their problem, not yours!
As an extra bonus we'll show you how—even after bankruptcy after bankruptcy—you can still trick people into investing big money in your next scam! Maybe a condo in a building that will never be built? Or classes at your own bogus university! Or even an airline that is destined to fail!
BS 101 – It's Only Illegal If You Get Caught
How to import foreign workers for your next project.
You would think there would be laws preventing billionaires from illegally bringing in foreign workers to perform jobs that can be done by American workers—and there are!
But the savvy billionaire knows that those laws only apply if you get caught, and even then they don’t really matter as long as you can keep the issue tied up in the courts.
That's the Donald strategy! And that's what you'll learn in this course!
We'll show you how the Donald sneaked in 200 undocumented workers from Poland to build Trump Tower, how he went on to hire undocumented workers to build a hotel in Washington, DC, and how he got away with employing 500 foreign laborers for his Mar-a-Lago Club resort while hiring just 17 Americans!
It's a business strategy that can't fail as long as you can stay out of jail.