A Tribute to Mr. Thompson: Teacher, Mentor, Possible Necromancer
It was never clear what subject he was supposed to be teaching, since on our schedules it was spelled in mysterious runes that burned your eyes.
Tag: College
Hi, I’m Reader #2, and I Wouldn’t Be Doing My Job If I Didn’t Tell You That Your Writing Is Garbage
Congrats on your new academic article, though I should really be congratulating myself because the version of your I wrote in my head is much better.
An Obituary for All the Fucks I Had to Give
All My Fucks graduated from Shame University in 1998 with high honors.
List: A Sweet Sixteen of Things More Likely to Happen to You Than Picking a Perfect March Madness Bracket
Your next tweet will go viral, attracting the attention of your biggest celebrity crush and leading to a passionate affair. (1 in 40.3 billion)
I Haven’t Left My Room Since March and Now the Demon Who Lives Under My Bed Has a UTI
With each passing day, her resolve grows weaker. She begins to wonder if the girl above will once again leave her in peace.
In Defense of Gap Years… Unless You Want to Hire Me
A gap year will help to make me the man I want to be. Unless you are planning to hire me, in which case: STOP READING. GIVE ME THE JOB.
Anyone Who Says They Like “Fun Facts” Is Lying
The reality is that most of us haven’t been skydiving, invented a new technology, gotten bit by a shark, or know how to tap dance.
Your Graduation Application Has Been Received and Will Be Reviewed in No Less and Probably More Than 5 Months
Seeing as though you sent in your application approximately 56 seconds after we sent out the form, you were a little too late.
Fancy Synonyms Anonymous
If you need big words to have fun, or are using five or six big words before breakfast, then you might have a problem.
List: More Books Obama Read to Impress Women
De Beauvoir and Goethe for the cottagecore lesbian desperately in love with her best friend. Byron and Žižek for the pervert with a heart of gold.
An Important Message from Your University President, Who Is Shocked That What Everyone Said Would Happen Is Happening
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
Orientation for College-At-Home, According to Your Mom
Food Service: Breakfast is served from 6:12 AM to 6:18 AM. You’ll have a choice of bran flakes or bran toast.