I Created the Flavor Profiles for This Craft Coffee Roastery, and I Definitely Didn’t Make Them All Up
I definitely didn't come up with the flavor profile for this roast after I bought Starburst at a Hudson News in the SeaTac Airport.
Tag: College
Hey Elon, Buy My Professorship!
Here’s a better deal for Elon: he can regain esteem, credibility, and respect by buying my status of tenured full professor.
College Drama Workshop, or Clinical Depression?
Close family and friends are worried about your future prospects.
In Addition to $10,000, Here Are Some Other Things I’d Like Forgiven from My Time in College
Smelling like a mix of Lay's Potato Chips, Victoria's Secret perfume, and Miller Lite for four years straight.
Terrifying Profiles on Your College’s Alumni Website
John Chris: I am in my tenth year of overseeing the murder division at Clemsaw Capital. I would be happy to help current students in any way I can!
Your Campus Tour
The college was rebuilt in 1795 by local train tycoon Silas Tother when he needed a place to quietly send his troublesome boys, Phinneas and Hellmouth.
As Your Fortune Teller, I Will Tell You, a Dewy Young Thing, Who You’ll Be In Forty or Fifty Years
You will be a person who, needing more room for books, never once thinks the words “bricks” or “boards.”
A List of Numbers Lower than My Monthly Student Loan Payment
5: Percentage of my college tuition covered by the inaugural Just a Taste of Hope Ayn Rand Memorial Scholarship.
I, The Scarecrow from Oz, Would like to Return My Brain in Exchange for Canceling My Student Loan Debt
They say your education is the one thing nobody can take away from you, but I implore you to do just that.
Recommendation Letter to an Ivy League School or Comment from Judges at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show?
I’ve spent years following and grading Mackenzie, and never have I witnessed such an unsurpassed, rare, elite pedigree.
Welcome to Your New Dorm, Deathtrap Hall
The mattresses, made of an experimental polymer developed by accident in our Food Science Lab, are virtually indestructible.
Psych 3000: The Psychology of Nihilistic Anger
In Unit 2, we will delve into how I’m sick of your stupid shit too, and pretty please fuck off (and thank you).