Politician – He spent your entire relationship lying and promising things that never came; he’ll fit right in amongst our nation’s political leadership.
Instagram Influencer – This is a career path built around creating a facade (much like his personality that turned out to be fake), one that will be incredibly convenient for him because he was already sliding in the DMs of other women on a daily basis.
Child’s Party Magician – His ability to create illusions and play mind games with you, like the time he told you the girl who crashed at his place that one night “was only his cousin,” could lead to a budding career in backyard entertainment.
College Admissions Officer – He got your hopes and dreams up for months on end, specifically when he said “he could see a future together with you.” Why not do the same to thousands of aspiring young minds? Perks include a close working relationship with Lori Loughlin.
Benedict Arnold Re-Enactor – He betrayed your trust for months, including the time he went to Vegas with his friends and slept with not one, but two different strippers. That kind of can-do attitude could propel him to stardom on the Revolutionary War reenactment scene.
Televangelist – Persuading you to give him money, day after day, week after week (even when he told you he was looking for a job) was no problem, can you imagine how much he’d make in an amphitheater of born-again Christians?
Flat Earth Conspirator – He convinced you he was going to change, even after you found him with your best friend; convincing others that our scientifically-proven round planet is actually just a flat map-like surface could be a great career path for him.
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Pope – His innate ability to cover up his wrongdoings over the years, like the time you found out he had another girlfriend the entire time you were dating him, could translate well to the papacy.
Demon of Malebolge, the Eighth Circle of Hell – His overall demonic personality is a perfect fit for this nightmarish hellscape, and he should mesh well with the other souls of the damned. In fact, he’ll probably be fast tracked to management—they’ll love the horns growing out of the back of his head.