Friday
9:00 AM Welcome/Orientation – Brought to You by Citigroup Inc.
Menu: Muffins and Mimosas
10:00 AM Icebreaker: Hot Potato – Toss the Responsibility of a Stimulus Package Back and Forth Without Letting It Touch the Ground or Help Anyone
11:00 AM Covid-19 Workshop: How to Wash Your Hands and Line Your Pockets. Presented By Pfizer Inc.
Noon – Lunch with The Lincoln Project
Menu: Shark Fin Soup
1:00 PM Activity – Trust Fall: Learn to Save the Country By Saving Yourselves First
3:30 PM Community Recycling Workshop: Repurpose 80’s Propaganda to Scare Your Constituents Away from Socialism and Communism
6:00 PM Welcome Dinner – Hosted by Goldman Sachs
Menu: Live Octopus
Saturday
9:00 AM Breakfast – Hosted by Weyland-Yutani Corporations
Menu: Beluga Caviar Omelets
10:00 AM Marketing Group Challenge: Using Twitch to Connect with the Youth After Failing with Animal Crossing and Student Loan Forgiveness. Sponsored by Verizon Communications.
* Note: You cannot ask Siri for help if your phone is an Android.
11:00 AM Presentation: Why Announcing on Twitter that You are Leaving It for Parler is Counterproductive if You Keep Posting on Twitter
Noon Lunch – with Skynet – Presented by Cyberdyne Systems
Menu: Foie Gras
2:00 PM Teamwork Activity: Hug It Out – There’s Nothing a Friendly Embrace or Fist Pump Over an Unqualified Supreme Court Judge Confirmation Hearing Between Millionaire Senators Can’t Fix
4:00 PM Brainstorming and Development – Fashion for Change of Topic: Use Your Shoes to Sidestep Healthcare in a Global Pandemic and Other Hot Button Issues
6:00 PM Dinner and Special Presentation – Dealings with the Devil: How to Keep Getting Reelected When the Entire Country Hates You. Keynote Speaker Mitch McConnell. Hosted by Koch Industries.
Menu: Baby Dolphin
Sunday
9:00 AM Breakfast – Hosted by The Galactic Empire
Menu: Gluten-Free Muffins
10:00 AM – Presentation: Magic Shows on Cable News – Make Growing Concerns of Your Community’s Inability to Pay Their Bills Disappear by Pretending Covid-19 Doesn’t Exist
11:00 AM – Human Sacrifices Workshop: How to Throw Members of Your Own Party Into a Volcano After Throwing Them Under the Bus Doesn’t Work
* Note – Bernie Sanders, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Ilhan Omar will not take corporate flights to Hawaii sponsored by Big Pharma.
** Note: Ted Cruz has been offered and spat back out by Vulcan and Tūtū Pele several times and will no longer be accepted; Party must take responsibility for him.
Noon – Lunch with The Illuminati
Menu: Outsourced Virgin’s Blood Soup
4:00 PM – Karaoke Challenge: “We Are Family,” “It’s The End of the World As We Know It,” and more!
6:30 PM – Farewell Dinner and Final Thoughts: Turning a Blind Eye and a Deaf Ear to Those Who Put You Where You Are in the First Place – At Least Until the Next Election. Sponsored by Dante’s Inferno.
Menu: The Tears of Your Constituents