Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes
Flying machine release date / Signs thy husband doth disrobing thy house maid / How to disrobe thy house maid / Paintings of breasts nearith me
“Live, Laugh, Love” in Cursive: Are you a human or the wall clock I bought from the Home Goods clearance section?
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.
Get Dressed Every Morning - Even if you don’t expect to be in public, remember to put on your human skin suit every morning.
Both times people were upset about it. / Both assassins used firearms as a method of assassinating. / Thus, both assassinations were really loud.
Problem: Polio Cure: Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination. Worse Problem: Finding out your favorite celebrity thinks vaccines are worse than polio.
Coffee shops: “Ugh, I know it’s overpriced, but it’s my guilty pleasure!” is now what I say when I buy healthcare.
5. You ever just sit and think about how you talk too much? 6. Be someone’s reason for not committing murder today.
4. I was obsessed with it during puberty but more or less have it figured it out now. 7. I only feel comfortable with certain people seeing it.
Our "Purge Ultime" Face & Body Scrub will also eliminate the general feeling of shame that has accompanied your existence since puberty.
Friday Morning, Week 5 / Yellow Bungalow / Trader Joe's beer bottles (10) / Vodka bottle (1 pint) / Cardboard Pop-Tart boxes, cinnamon frosted (1)
Human Remains – Whoops! You’ve been living your best life for a few months and completely forgot about your boyfriend Carson in the fridge.