1. When you show up to the bar, he offers to get you a drink, or a soda water, or leafy greens and bulgur wheat.
  2. He asks his friends questions about you, like what your blood type is.
  3. He finds reasons to be around you, such as blood work and blood testing.
  4. He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
  5. Mutual friends get nervous around you guys because they don’t want to have to give him a kidney.
  6. He makes an effort to include you in his hobbies such as major surgery.
  7. He talks to you about his family and how none of them are a match for his kidney.
  8. He tries negging you. If your name is Kimberly he might call you “Kidney.” If your name is Sarah he might call you “Kidney.”
  9. He gets anxious around you since he doesn't know if you’re going to give him a kidney or not.
  10. When you change something, he notices. He says, “Your driver’s license used to say organ donor, but now your drivers’ license doesn’t say organ donor. What the fuck.”
  11. His body language is different around you. If he doesn’t usually hold a knife, maybe now he’s holding a knife.
  12. He makes casual contact with you like shaking your shoulders violently while screaming, “I don’t have much time, man!”
  13. He responds immediately to your texts when you say things like, “Whatever, I guess you can have it.”
  14. After you give him your kidney he stops talking to you. Don’t worry, he just doesn’t want to seem needy! He’s super into you.

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