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I hope you’re walking somewhere along the western coast of the United States and that you find this bottle before our wedding on Thursday.
7:00 A.M.: Threw away my eye patch. Since I no longer have alcohol-induced optic neuropathy in my left eye I “SEE” no sense in keeping it.
Will everyone agree that getting your hand stuck in the toilet actually a really common occurrence?
Regarding Alert 4, "Hurricane Steve Who Can't Keep It In His Pants" will not make landfall anytime soon.
The tattoos on our baristas do not rub off with a wet rag and those are actually real live septum piercings. If you don’t believe us, give one a tug.
But this time we’re producing our biggest blockbuster yet—our sweet, precious nepo baby!
Have you ever considered capitalization? NO. i mean
What should I do? If that dish is untouched at the end of the night they'll link it back to me and never invite me to a potluck again.
When we were imagining this house, I had an idea. A vision. I drew it on the back of an old napkin from the Copacabana. I called Steven, Spielberg.
We hired a private detective named Rona Mudberry, who spent several days trying to crack the case before admitting she doesn’t really “get computers.”
It feels like "Diamond" David Lee Roth consulted a crystal ball and observed the world of 2026 before penning classics like "Drop Dead Legs."
My office’s view (a frozen summit in the Scythian Mountains) is gorg. But the taste of raw liver is growing bland.