Daily Log of a Recently Sober Pirate Captain Who’s Still Experiencing Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms
7:00 A.M.: Threw away my eye patch. Since I no longer have alcohol-induced optic neuropathy in my left eye I “SEE” no sense in keeping it.
Age: 27. Height: 5'11 3/4. Weight: 162 pounds, or, 13 phone books. Tattoos: Yes, 7, all of them of the neck variety. Thigh width: 32 cm. Thigh height: 52 cm. Was in consideration for season 7 of Wipeout but never made the cut.
7:00 A.M.: Threw away my eye patch. Since I no longer have alcohol-induced optic neuropathy in my left eye I “SEE” no sense in keeping it.
What do you people want from me? To jump in my bald-eagle-shaped submarine and hand-deliver it to one of your warehouses?