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I’ve given up hope when I see the cabinet door swing open, and your big, dumb hand comes lurching toward me.
Labor Day - Here’s what they won’t tell you about Karl Marx: He’s a daddy!
Our bar trivia is not—and I can’t stress this enough—fun. Think: the SATs. Think: your driver’s exam—the one you had to study for.
I also thought this was a temp gig until the pandemic was over. Or, well, over enough now, I guess?
Don’t you dare be soothed into chorale complacency by our initial thin delivery and ambiguous harmonies.
Dude, I cannot wait to get in there and silently appreciate the little fella. Let’s go!
As you know, I have just spent the holiday season visiting family in my hometown, Fir Tree Falls.
I’m the worst, aren’t I? I was so adamant it was, like, the only thing I wanted for Christmas.
Jesus was born on a virgin. A virgin is a kind of a airplane. There was a pilot there called Punch Us.
This Santa is cloned from DNA from the original St. Nicholas, and raised in captivity in our North Pole mock-up.
Taylor Swift "Reputation" Era Cop, Taylor Swift "1989" Era Cop – Good luck resisting this interrogation technique, criminals.
If this is a medical emergency or if suspicious men are breaking into your place of worship, hang up and dial 911.