Hey man, how’s it going? Yeah, we’re good, we’re good. Just the two of us, here to see the new Christ child born this very morning. Very stoked to get in there and adore the little guy. Heard he was born of a virgin mother? Absolutely unreal. Yeah here’s my ID, not a problem. Couple minutes? Could we sit at the bar until he’s ready? No, that’s fine, no worries, we’ll just post up right here. Thank you so much.

Dude, I cannot wait to get in there and silently appreciate the little fella, maybe bow my head in reverence, utter some good tidings. Let’s go! Can’t believe this is happening right here in B-town. Wasn’t sure what all the hype about year zero was, but this is pretty sick.

What’s up guys? Yeah, the line’s here, you can jump in right behind us. Crazy, right? Who’d have thought the hottest spot in Bethlehem would be a manger? Ha ha. Nah, door guy said it’ll just be a couple minutes.

Oh, wow, are those gifts? That’s not a little vial of myrrh, is it? That is so thoughtful, can you believe it? The family is really going to appreciate that. Not a lot of people would think to bring myrrh, and meanwhile they’re probably up to their ears in gold and–

Oh shoot, man, I didn’t mean anything by it, just, uh, it’s kind of a common gift, but that’s actually a really unique piece. No no, they’re going to love it.

Oh hold up, just a second—me? Them? Fellas, I think he’s calling you up to the door, probably just checking IDs, go ahead and squeeze by.

You think I look ok man? Wasn’t quite sure what to go with for this kind of thing. I’m actually a little nervous!

Wait, is he letting them in? Seriously? They got here like 15 minutes after us. What’s that about? Wait, hold on, those guys were the three kings? And here I am, chatting them up like any other shepherd or carpenter. You didn’t think to elbow me or anything? I’m standing here looking like an asshole.

Hey sir? Excuse me, sir? How much longer do you think it’s going to be? I know, I know, it’s a busy day, the thing is, we’ve been waiting here a long time, and I would love to just slip in for a few minutes and adore him.

Come on man, we’ll be in and out in like ten minutes tops. I been hearing all day how great he is, how he’s going to bring peace to all mankind, that he’s both tender and mild, yadda yadda yadda, and I’d just like to say hello and give my best wishes to the family.

You can’t even tell me how long it’s going to be? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Are they in there right now? Can I go in and see them? Look, I was in this manger last week, no problem. I’m not trying to big dog you, but I ran up a pretty big bill and paid a fat tip on top of that, and I don’t see why the presence of this infant King of Kings means my money’s suddenly no good here.

What? A dress code? No sandals? Buddy, I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but we’re all wearing sandals here. What else would I even be wearing on my feet?

Come on man, don’t be a hardass about it. I know you got a job to do, but we’re really not going to be any trouble. Just let us adore him. Please? I slip you a couple coins with Caesar’s face on them, you let me see this glorious, divinely-anointed infant, this young King of Angels, nobody’s the wiser? What do you say? Let us adore him?

You want to die on this hill? Really? All right listen, it’s your choice, just know you made an enemy today, ok? You’re gonna remember the name Pontius Pilate, believe me.