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Create Your Own Fiscal New Year’s Eve Rom-Com
“On fiscal new year’s eve, there’s no accounting for love.”
Articles
FAQ for Our Totally Empowering, Body Positive, Size-Inclusive Swimwear Line
Q: Your website says that you’re size inclusive, but you only go up to size L. Are you out of stock of larger sizes?
Help! I’m the Ideas Guy at Work and I’m All Out of Ideas
I was making lemon history while all those other chuds were clogging up the marketplace of ideas with lemonade.
I Am Your Coworker Who Microwaves Fish, and I Cannot Wait to Come Back to the Office
What is the point of having a job, really, if I can’t subject everyone I work with to deal with the afternoon odors of the nasty lunches I eat?
This Is PayPal, Informing You That Your Account May Be Compromised
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.
Neighbor, I See Your Little Watering Hose and Raise You This Mighty Power-Washing Wand
At 8 PM on Thursday, my basketball hoop is going to look brand-spanking new. I don’t have to care about your family or your kids.
Andy Dufresne’s Apology Letter Had He Gotten Stuck in a Sewer Pipe and Failed to Escape from Shawshank Prison
I intended to flee, but did not expect to crawl through what appears to be two and a half football fields worth of human shit.
The New York Times Reviews a Production of an Elementary School Musical
His portrayal of sexual obsession and lustful yearning is so convincing, a social worker from CPS has come to watch three consecutive performances.
So Your Office Has Been Reclaimed by Wilderness
If in doubt, release a canary (oh, you should bring a canary) into a ventilation shaft and observe it carefully.
Other Basketball Movies Being Remade as Less Horny
Above The Rim: No one gets a scholarship to Georgetown, where many hookups can take place, because the grounds have been converted to a WeWork space.
Empress Sq’ree-XII’s Favorite Things
I honestly don’t know what I did before I conquered the Choff Quadrant and seized their Time Hex, sending them into a thousand years of chaotic darkness.
McDonald’s Menu Items Ranked by How Effective They Were at Giving Me the Nutrients I Needed to Break into Ronald McDonald’s Mansion and Try On His Clothes
A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”