Grab some popcorn and use your phone number, or any seven-digit number, to create your own heart-warming tale of finding love between the spreadsheets. Happy Fiscal New Year!
The first digit is your title:
0. Accrual Intention
1. Balance Sheets
2. Deferred Interest
3. Capital Assets
4. Fiscal Attraction
5. The Audit-y of Love
6. Love, Actuarily
7. No Time to Reconcile
8. Accrued Interest
9. A Capital Improvement
The second digit is your tagline:
0. “On fiscal new year’s eve, there’s no accounting for love.”
1. “When the funds close, the fun begins.”
2. “This fiscal new year’s eve, you can count on romance.”
3. “Next fiscal year, love is unencumbered.”
4. “Their bonds grow stronger with every passing fiscal year.”
5. “Their love was spent; so were their appropriated funds.”
6. “They closed the books, but they couldn’t turn the page.”
7. “A new fiscal year, a time for a pledge.”
8. “As the year nears close, will they mind the GAAP between them?”
9. “The heart wants closure, and so do the books.”
The third digit is your meet-cute scene:
0 or 1. In a UPS copy center at 4:45 PM, they both reach for the last fax cover sheet in the bin. Their hands touch.
“It’s ok. It’s, just, my client only accepts invoices by fax, and they need them by 5 pm, so I really need that cover sheet.”
“My client is the same way.”
“Well, this is a problem.” After an awkward discussion about who gets the coversheet, the exasperated employee asks if they want to make a copy of it.
“Right. We’re in a copy center!” They laugh.
2 or 3. In a coffee shop, at 11 AM.
“Devin!” calls the barista. They both reach for the cup on the counter.
“Excuse me. I think that’s mine.”
“No, that’s mine.”
“It says Devin on the side. I’m Devin.”
“So am I.” They stare at each other.
“Well, it’s the last day of the fiscal year, and I’ve got a million journal entries to review, so I need that coffee.”
“Are you kidding? Same. Are you an accountant too?”
“We’re going to need another coffee.” They laugh.
4 or 5. Outside an office building at 4 PM, two people hold boxes of folders in their hands.
Unable to see, they crash into each other. Expenditure reports and receipts fly everywhere.
“Looks like we’re not making the fiscal new year’s eve party.”
“We can’t miss it. It’s the most fun of the year, and a fortune cookie told me I’d find my soulmate on fiscal new year’s eve.”
“Ok, let’s find a big table and try to sort these receipts. I’ll order calzones.”
“I love calzones.” They smile.
6 or 7. In a cubicle in an open-office around 1 PM.
“Knock, knock. You asked for tech support?”
“Yes, my computer won’t boot, and I’ve got a million transactions to process before the books close.”
“Did you try turning it off, waiting a few seconds, then turning me on again?”
“Of course I did. Wait, did you just say ‘turning me on’?”
“No, that would be…I…um…” The computer reboots. “Look, it’s back on. I’ve gotta go…” They run off abruptly, leaving a phone behind.
A few seconds later, a text arrives: “hey, did u help the one in accountng that u thought was so cute?” There’s an audible gasp.
8 or 9. One person is sitting alone in a movie theater at 2 PM. A second person enters, looks around, then proceeds down and across the row to the individual there.
“Sorry, only seat free. Do you mind if I sit here?” They laugh nervously.
“Why are you here at 2 PM on a workday, watching a bad romantic comedy?”
“Fiscal new year’s eve. All the finance systems are shut while next year’s budgets are loaded. There’s nothing I can do. How about you?”
“Same reason. Well, that and our air conditioning broke. It’s pretty cool here.”
“Yeah… I’d say it is. What’s your name?” They smile.
The fourth digit is where it is set:
2. Portland (your choice which)
3. San Diego
7. Philadelphia (the nice part)
9. Kansas City (the good one)
The fifth and sixth digits are the leads:
0. Paul Rudd
1. Anna Kendrick
2. Idris Elba
3. Jennifer Lawrence
4. Adam Driver
5. Teyonah Parris
6. Gael Garcia Bernal
7. Gina Rodriguez
8. Benedict Cumberbatch
9. Daisy Ridley
If your fifth and sixth digits are the same, you may change one of the digits OR keep them the same and try to get Charlie Kaufman to write the screenplay.
The seventh digit is how it ends:
0 to 4. Inside a banquet hall at the end of a party.
“So that’s it, then?”
“I guess so. They’re transferring me to Charlotte for the new fiscal year. I leave in the morning.”
“Take care of yourself.” The person turns and walks away. An older, boss-looking person walks over.
“Great party, huh?”
“You know, I can see you’re miserable.”
“It’s, just, I thought I’d met The One,” they say, holding back tears.
“Well, you’ve handled our numbers better than anyone the last few years. But it sounds like you found the most important number of all… That’s why I approved your transfer to the Charlotte office.”
“I transferred you to Charlotte,” there's a pause. “What are you still talking to me for? Run after them! Don’t forget to forward the accounts receivable to Sharon!”
5 to 9. A number of people are sitting around a conference table, obviously very worried.
“The hackers locked us out. Somehow, during the fiscal year roll-over, they got onto the network, stole our data, and deleted the backup. They’re demanding half our endowment.”
“Can we function without our data?”
“No, it’s impossible.” “Looks like we have no choice. We’ll have to pay.”
Two people run in, out of breath.
“Wait, don’t do it.”
“Who are you?”
“We’re from accounting.” The senior accountant cuts them off.
“They’re just bookkeepers. They don’t know what they’re talking about. Get them out of here.”
“Listen, while the software was rolling over during the fiscal new year’s eve party, we were in the office doing, um, our own independent roll-over.”
“I don’t see what–“
“We had a laptop unplugged from the network. It has backup. We have the data!” The entire conference room cheers. The board members look at each other.
“What’s an independent roll-over?” They kiss.