Welcome to my EDtalk. My name is Ed, and I’ll be speaking to you about what I consider valid and invalid nicknames for Edward.

Beggar: Please, ma’am, I’m so hungry. May I have some food?
Woman: Sure, you can have my granola bar or my Pop-Tart. Your choice.
Beggar/Chooser: Everyone said this is impossible!

Whoever said “actions speak louder than words” must not have heard about shouting.

“I am LITERALLY dying!” a dying woman exclaimed.
“Actually, you are figuratively dying,” a random man corrected her now-lifeless corpse.

Is Harper really that bizarre, or are you just a judgmental prick?

“Ready for our phishing trip, son?”
“I can’t wait, Dad,” the Nigerian Prince replied. “Just one problem: I don’t get my inheritance for a month. Can you send money to tide me over? I’ll pay you back double.”
“That’s my boy,” the King said proudly.

Get Rich Quick Scheme
Step 1: Wait for Rich in the deserted alley behind his apartment.
Step 2: When he appears, swiftly toss him into the back of your waiting van.
Congratulations, you got Rich quick! What you do with him is up to you.