Alice Lahoda | Points in Case

Alice Lahoda is a writer, comic creator, and occasional shitposter living in Boston. She would happily break her vegetarianism to eat the rich.

Comedy Writing

List: 21 Surprising Facts about the Eight Spiders You Swallowed in Your Sleep Last Year

Spider 8 was banned from Goodreads for her particularly scathing review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest novel.

by Alice Lahoda
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July 29, 2021

Help! I’m the Ideas Guy at Work and I’m All Out of Ideas

I was making lemon history while all those other chuds were clogging up the marketplace of ideas with lemonade.

by Alice Lahoda
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June 29, 2021

List: The 17 Midnight Rides of Kyle Revere

Last year, I met the lovely Emma outside a Concord tavern. She said she liked my tri-corner hat and asked if anything else of mine is tri-cornered.

by Alice Lahoda
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April 13, 2021

A Message for My Husband, Who Waits Until I’m Almost Done Cleaning to Ask if I Want Any Help

I did see you hiding (hard to miss the shape of my useless husband with his big dumb flip-flopped feet sticking out from behind the drapes).

by Alice Lahoda
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January 30, 2021

Jokes

Sure, eat the rich if you want… but it sort of seems like an unnecessary extra step.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Welcome to my EDtalk. My name is Ed, and I’ll be speaking to you about what I consider valid and invalid nicknames for Edward.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Beggar: Please, ma’am, I’m so hungry. May I have some food?
Woman: Sure, you can have my granola bar or my Pop-Tart. Your choice.
Beggar/Chooser: Everyone said this is impossible!

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Whoever said “actions speak louder than words” must not have heard about shouting.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

“I am LITERALLY dying!” a dying woman exclaimed.
“Actually, you are figuratively dying,” a random man corrected her now-lifeless corpse.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Is Harper really that bizarre, or are you just a judgmental prick?

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

“Ready for our phishing trip, son?”
“I can’t wait, Dad,” the Nigerian Prince replied. “Just one problem: I don’t get my inheritance for a month. Can you send money to tide me over? I’ll pay you back double.”
“That’s my boy,” the King said proudly.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Get Rich Quick Scheme
Step 1: Wait for Rich in the deserted alley behind his apartment.
Step 2: When he appears, swiftly toss him into the back of your waiting van.
Congratulations, you got Rich quick! What you do with him is up to you.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice