Alice Lahoda | Points in Case

Alice Lahoda is a writer, comic creator, and occasional shitposter living in Boston. She would happily break her vegetarianism to eat the rich.

Comedy Writing

Spider ruining my life by looking at me, very cute

List: 21 Surprising Facts about the Eight Spiders You Swallowed in Your Sleep Last Year

Spider 8 was banned from Goodreads for her particularly scathing review of Jonathan Franzen’s latest novel.

by Alice Lahoda
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July 29, 2021

Help! I’m the Ideas Guy at Work and I’m All Out of Ideas

I was making lemon history while all those other chuds were clogging up the marketplace of ideas with lemonade.

by Alice Lahoda
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June 29, 2021

List: The 17 Midnight Rides of Kyle Revere

Last year, I met the lovely Emma outside a Concord tavern. She said she liked my tri-corner hat and asked if anything else of mine is tri-cornered.

by Alice Lahoda
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April 13, 2021

A Message for My Husband, Who Waits Until I’m Almost Done Cleaning to Ask if I Want Any Help

I did see you hiding (hard to miss the shape of my useless husband with his big dumb flip-flopped feet sticking out from behind the drapes).

by Alice Lahoda
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January 30, 2021

Jokes

Sure, eat the rich if you want… but it sort of seems like an unnecessary extra step.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Welcome to my EDtalk. My name is Ed, and I’ll be speaking to you about what I consider valid and invalid nicknames for Edward.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Beggar: Please, ma’am, I’m so hungry. May I have some food?
Woman: Sure, you can have my granola bar or my Pop-Tart. Your choice.
Beggar/Chooser: Everyone said this is impossible!

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Whoever said “actions speak louder than words” must not have heard about shouting.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

“I am LITERALLY dying!” a dying woman exclaimed.
“Actually, you are figuratively dying,” a random man corrected her now-lifeless corpse.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Is Harper really that bizarre, or are you just a judgmental prick?

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

“Ready for our phishing trip, son?”
“I can’t wait, Dad,” the Nigerian Prince replied. “Just one problem: I don’t get my inheritance for a month. Can you send money to tide me over? I’ll pay you back double.”
“That’s my boy,” the King said proudly.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice

Get Rich Quick Scheme
Step 1: Wait for Rich in the deserted alley behind his apartment.
Step 2: When he appears, swiftly toss him into the back of your waiting van.
Congratulations, you got Rich quick! What you do with him is up to you.

— Alice Lahoda, @angryangryalice