Every April, the Sons of the Grandsons of the Sons of Liberty (SotGSotSoL) recreate Paul Revere’s midnight ride from Boston to Concord, Massachusetts. Kyle Revere’s journal chronicles his 17 re-enactments playing his famous ancestor.

April 18, 2005

Tonight is my first midnight ride as a Paul Revere re-enactor! This will be fun!

April 18, 2006
They loved me! For a whole year, I’ve received a celebrity treatment typically reserved for Massachusetts’ most enduring heroes: Michael Dukakis, the Kennedys, and anyone with a chiseled jaw who might be a Kennedy. When I walk into any Dunkin Donuts, someone forces a free cup o’ joe into my hands. It’s good to be king!*

*Not a real king, because that’s precisely what the Colonists were fighting against.

April 18, 2007
Last year, I met the lovely Emma outside a tavern in Concord. She said she liked my tri-corner hat and asked if anything else of mine is tri-cornered. Honestly, I didn’t know what she meant, but I could tell she was flirting. Tonight, I will ask her to be my wife outside that very same tavern.

April 18, 2008
I’m on cloud nine. Emma and I will exchange wedding vows at the tavern tonight! Small hiccup: William Dawes’s descendant petitioned the SotGSotSoL for his own midnight ride alongside mine. Something about “historical accuracy.” You don’t see Samuel Prescott’s relatives trying to ride next to Paul Revere, but whatever. Dawes can eat my dust.

April 18, 2009
Tonight is a race against time! Emma is in labor, but the ride must go on. Dawes was a massive hit last year, laying it on thick with “the British are coming” every five seconds. I need to regain my title as the supreme midnight rider. I’m sure Emma understands.

April 18, 2010
Good news: Last year’s ride was one of my best. Put a lotta mustard on my line. Everyone loved it. Bad news: Emma filed for divorce.

April 18, 2011
Worst year of my life. Divorce finalized. Horse died. New Dunkin Donuts employees don’t recognize me.

April 18, 2012
Emma and Dawes are dating. This fucking guy. I don’t trust my new horse. Looked into the beast’s soul and saw no love for Paul Revere. He’s unpatriotic—neigh, treasonous.

April 18, 2013
Bunch of teens outside a Medford 7-Eleven heckled my last ride shouting “The British are CUMMING!” and “Can Paul Revere ride MY DICK?” This reeks of a Dawes operation. What does she see in him? I’ll bet he has a tri-corner penis. What a freak.

April 18, 2014
They have a kid. I don’t know how baby-making with a triangle dick works, but I guess they fucking figured it out. Last year’s ride was fine.

April 18, 2015
I’m not riding tonight. Still recovering from last year’s injuries after I was thrown from my horse. I’m certain this goes all the way to the top (Dawes).

April 18, 2016
Met with a citizen historian who gave me the scoop on the Dawes family. They’ve been infiltrating the SotGSotSoL for years now, pushing their pro-Dawes agenda. I was left with this nugget: “Follow the manure.”

April 18, 2017
Followed the manure. Dawes is running an illegal horse smuggling ring from a stable in Harvard, Mass. Gonna break in and look for evidence before my ride tonight.

April 18, 2018
For obvious reasons, I was unable to complete last year’s ride. In good news, I’m allowed a temporary reprieve from house arrest for tonight’s ride as long as I remain 100 yards away from Dawes. No problemo.

April 18, 2019
I won! Last year, I had the best damn ride of my life, and Dawes was arrested the following morning for that whole horse thing. If you come for a Revere, you better not miss. Everything’s coming up Kyle!

April 18, 2020
Just received word that Samuel Prescott’s descendant is also riding tonight. Gonna meet up with that historian again and see what we can dig up on this Prescott motherfucker. I’ll bet he fucks mothers.

April 18, 2021
The judge kindly delayed the beginning of my sentence until noon tomorrow. Tonight will be my final midnight ride as a Paul Revere re-enactor.