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The lifeblood of American society, the oil that lubricates its gears and allows the cogs in its national wheel to turn, is cream cheese.
Remember the true meaning of the holiday: Getting some $15 shit from Target and being done with it.
LISTEN BRO. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME WHEN YOU’RE FEELING THIS WAY BRO.
How does one appropriately reply to “have a safe flight”? “I, too, hope I make it to my destination intact.”
Make entering your Airbnb a confrontational experience. Rude, even.
But our new line of Terra® products is now made of cost-saving, eco-friendly burlap, with ties and closures of jute twine!
That’s where SquareSpace comes in. For just nine score and nine cents, you can receive six months’ subscription, plus a free domain name.
I started to worry once I took a few tumbles onto the driveway. The damage was limited—I am made of steel—but the emotional injury is everlasting.
Whatever your personal weird fucking deal is, it won’t end well for you, so best not try to start it with us.
When a teacher assigns a five-paragraph essay, his or her whole class jumps for joy because this kind of essay is truly a thrill to both read and write.
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
You spent 49 hours listening to our ear-piercing message alert sound…