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Meet amateur fitness enthusiast Mr. David McClure. An impatient and hasty individual who’s convinced himself that winter clothing is no longer a requisite for his morning jog.
Would you look at that… So typical of a Lexus to take up as much room as humanly possible. Total road hog.
I'm pre-approved for a dozen credit cards, but good luck getting to Wells Fargo without being eaten by robins.
’Tis not with ease’d mind that I imbibe of the Friar’s herbaceous blends, be it “Rosaline’s Unrequited Rosehip” or “Zounds! This Lemon Zingeth!”
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.
1 Peter 1:3: "Praise be to bunny Jesus who is always, like, twitching his little nose."
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
If your “Stubbornness” and “Performative Masculinity” traits are below a combined twelve, Joe will hire a CPA and the level should be a cakewalk.
I am going into hiding. Do not approach me or say anything that could incriminate me in other crimes, especially new ones.
I tried hiring dog walkers, but I was banned from all those apps because my dog became infamous for always turning up a corpse or two.
We’re thinking of them, we’re discussing them, we’re writing them down, and yes, we will almost certainly be imposing them!
Well, I bet you all felt pretty stupid a month later when we got divorced. You all are just wrong time after time.