Q: Just what is Giggles ‘n Scales?
A: Located on twelve acres of pristine wetland, Giggles ‘n Scales is a wildlife sanctuary with over seventy-five alligators, as well as multiple species of indigenous birds and fish. We are also a fully licensed daycare operating Monday through Friday, 8:00 AM-6:00 PM.

Q: Where are you located?
A: We’re conveniently located off I-95, just two miles south of the penitentiary!

Q: Tell me about your facilities.
A: Our campus features extensive marsh and grasslands, where our gators feel right at home, as well as a two-foot kiddie pool and a large, brand-new playground. Your children will spend nap and snack times outside in our grand pavilion, as we believe that it’s best for kids and gators to roam free in the majesty of the great outdoors.

Q: What’s keeping gators from the kids?
A: Nothing! Your kids can get up close and personal with our alligators. It’s an experience you can’t get anywhere else! They can even participate in feeding time, though it should be noted that the alligators may not show up at feeding time if they’ve found a meal elsewhere on the property. This happens frequently.

Q: Isn’t that dangerous?
A: Our team of certified zoologists is committed to making sure our gators live happily and healthily, with around-the-clock caretakers and medical staff. We even have an in-house nutritionist—yum!

Q: No, I mean is it dangerous for the kids?
A: At Giggles ‘n Scales we can guarantee the safety of your little ones for up to three hours. We can also guarantee they’ll want to be back as soon as they can!*

*Not an actual guarantee

Q: Are there safer daycares in the area?
A: Safety is a surprisingly relative term! We can’t say we’re the safest daycare in the county, but a recent lawsuit does require us to state that we are categorically not the safest in the county.

Q: Who’s watching the kids?
A: We firmly believe that “play is the work of childhood.” That important work is often inhibited by adults who struggle to see the world through a child’s eyes. For this reason, we allow your kids to explore freely, make their own choices, and learn unencumbered by teachers, parents, or caretakers.

Q: So no one’s watching them?
A: The gators are watching them for sure.

Q: Is late pick-up allowed?
A: Late pick-ups will be charged an additional $25 per child, per hour. Although we do not recommend late pick-ups. Early pick-ups are highly encouraged.

Q: Do the alligators like kids?
A: When you say “like,” you mean…

Q: Like being around them.
A: Oh. Believe it or not, no two gators are quite the same, and we’re always excited to find differences in their attitudes and preferences! But for the most part, no, they do not like being around children.

Q: Seems like that would cause some problems.
A: Alligators are fascinating creatures and we’re thrilled to educate young minds about them! That said, they can be very territorial, especially during mating season. They pretty much take over the pavilion.

Q: When is mating season?
A: I don’t remember.

Q: Where do the kids eat and nap if the pavilion isn’t available?
A: Left to themselves, you’d be amazed how resourceful kids can be. They generally band together in a centralized area, sometimes climb trees, or even build walls! Still, kids will be kids and some of them tend to wander. Which is of course discouraged, since wandering the marsh, especially around dusk, is a recipe for “accidents.” Twelve acres is a lot of land, and we can’t realistically be expected to keep an eye on all of it all the time.

Q: “Accidents?”
A: Nature is full of beautiful accidents, and we prefer not to say what kind of accidents take place at Giggles ‘n Scales. Although a pending lawsuit may require us to state how often they occur.

Q: Wait, is that a different lawsuit than the one you mentioned earlier?
A: Could be!

Q: This sounds like a terrible idea.
A: Inside every terrible idea is a great idea waiting to get out!

Q: That’s not true.
A: You’ve got us there.

Q: Are there bathrooms on the property?
A: No.