You’re Invited to Your Kid’s Worst Friend’s Birthday at the Sketchiest Place in Town
It's time again to celebrate our beloved little Scarface-quoting third-grader. He's the reason your kid knows what ketamine is.
Tag: Children
Normal Mom Group vs. Culty Mom Group
Normal: Your toddler plays happily with the other children. Culty: Your toddler seems to be learning Latin.
The Accusations That I Am Three Toddlers in a Trench Coat Are False
My day looks just like any other grown 40-year-old singular man. I wake up at 5:00 AM sharp and eat my coffee and eggs just like all of you.
Are You an Adult Only Child Still Living at Home, or a House Cat?
Visitors can tell which piece of furniture is your favorite just by looking at what has the most stains.
I’m the Safety Tag on a Baby Product and, Yeah, I’m Going to Kill Your Baby
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Lesser-Known Swimming Pool Games Named After Famous Explorers
“Christopher Columbus” sees players arriving at someone else's pool, murdering those swimmers, and then claiming that the pool now belongs to them.
I’ve Got a Lot of Money Riding on This Peewee Soccer Game
I know your coach said it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. Your coach has obviously never been up to his asshole in debt for betting on collegiate air hockey.
Diary of a Prehistoric Teen
Mother say I need to stop moping around cave and get outside. So come up with a plan.
Hastings Entertainment Store Changed My Life
It is May 10, 2008. I am nine years old. I purchase the book Frindle from Hastings Entertainment Store. My mind grows fat off its teachings.
Never Buy New Kids Clothes Again with Growth Apparel, the Clothes That Grow on Your Child
You'd never know that it is an alive organism, save for the occasional dampness and an appropriate amount of mold that forms on the sleeves.
Excerpts from “Caring for Your Epilogue Baby”
Because the romance author who wrote your story didn’t quite know how to end their book.
Your Middle Schooler’s “Youth in Government” Field Trip Itinerary
After running out of per diem, your child will unwisely accept financial help from their Russian pen pal.