Children | Points in Case

Tag: Children

As a point of procedure, motions for new toys normally require a one-week notice period. See Maddy v. Mom (Safeway, 2021).

If they say something like, "Nice cowboy hat, asshole," pretend you didn’t hear—even though you're the only asshole wearing one.

What, you’re surprised? Remote lairs and underground redoubts do not pay for themselves.

"Take thy breakfast and cast it before Dad, and it shall become a mess upon the floor.” And Child and Toddler did as the LORD commanded.

Babies' forearm prints all turned into leeches crawling around a fetid pond.

Looking around, all I see are duds. In the sandbox, I see toddlers who don’t even know how to use their own feet.

You’re invited to a three-year-old’s birthday party where parents are—for some inexplicable reason—expected to join their children on the trampoline.

You’re very welcome to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.

Tells you in no uncertain terms that they are "NOT sleepy." Orders you to play the same song. Again.

Smiling or otherwise expressive mouse head-shaped pancakes are trademarked.

Since I’m no longer fixated on my news feed when we go out, I’ve started taking our six rescue dogs with me to the local coffee shop.

Thanks to you and the Magical Musical Mat™, every minute of my life is now a beeping, squawking, nonstop honking nightmare.