February 1: Someone told me the ice cream bowl was basically just a cone. Total hater.
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
Fragrant blueberry bush behind the cabin where you tossed your urine-soaked sleeping bag in a panic to get rid of the evidence.
Heather was a total warrior throughout. Every time I saw what she was going through, I was in total awe. Like… Wow. Women are strong.
I’m gonna order the Chomperoo 3-in-1 Soother Chewer through the Amazon app real quick and then Jeffrey “watch me burn money as literal rocket fuel” Bezos can take a hike!
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
I was telling the other toddlers about how if they ever plan to retire, they’ll need real dough, not Play-Doh.
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
Tic Tac Toe: a clever way to tell a girl you like her?
Players assume the role of tired wizards and cast spells, and summon creatures to do their bidding and help fold laundry.
You will be a person who, needing more room for books, never once thinks the words “bricks” or “boards.”
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.