You, a Teenage Babysitter, and I, a 47-Year-Old Father Driving You Home, Will Get Through This Silent Car Ride
I mean, surely five minutes have already passed since I started this internal monologue. Oh, it’s only been 30 seconds? Well.
Tag: Children
As a Professional Bouncy Castle Inspector, I Take My Job Very Seriously
The public thinks this job is all colorful vinyl and happy bouncing. They're wrong. Catastrophically wrong.
A Nonjudgmental and Nonthreatening Pediatric Dental Questionnaire
1. How long have you been putting this off? a. One year. b. Three years. c. Five years. d. My child is, if we must get technical, a member of Generation X.
How to Impress People as a Dad
Stimulate Your Baby’s Senses: But avoid actual stimulants, like coffee and Red Bull.
Warrior: I Voted in a Middle School Gym During a 6th Grade Basketball Game
I took an “I Voted” sticker and slapped it on. The anti-participation trophy faction in the stands booed this profusely.
Confession: I Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar
The crumbs in my bed sheets, the chocolate smear on my PJs—I don’t know, maybe I wanted to get caught.
Your Son Got a Sip of Dad’s Heineken and It’s Affecting His Performance in 3rd Grade
When learning how to read an analog clock. He raised his hand and guessed the time was “beer thirty.” It was 11:18 AM.
A List of Excuses to Use If You’re a Rich Parent with a Badly Behaved Child
You think my child is a heinous sociopath because she killed your family cat? Ever heard of formaldehyde and Damien Hirst? It's called art.
Google Maps Directions for a Parent with a Screaming Baby in the Backseat
In 200 feet, check the mirror to ensure your child hasn’t escaped the car seat like a little Gen Alpha Houdini.
My Bat Mitzvah Speech, More or Less Verbatim
I said I was sorry, and Sam said it was okay and that he would stop taking my iPod. This is one example of misunderstandings outside of the Torah.
The Missing Diary of a Serial Killer, or Possibly of a Toddler-Parent
I think about how life could have been easier if I’d just stayed the course and resisted certain… urges.
A Referance Lettr 4 my Firrst Grayde Teecher 4 Ur Aplebeeez Summr Brake Serving Job
Her name is Miss S and she would be sucha goood servr cuz she is soo good at teeching me about all kind of stuff.