Aromas Everyone Will Remember from Sleepaway Camp
Fragrant blueberry bush behind the cabin where you tossed your urine-soaked sleeping bag in a panic to get rid of the evidence.
Tag: Children
Announcing Our New Human
Heather was a total warrior throughout. Every time I saw what she was going through, I was in total awe. Like… Wow. Women are strong.
I Fully Intend to Boycott Amazon Just as Soon as I Buy This Thing for My Newborn
I’m gonna order the Chomperoo 3-in-1 Soother Chewer through the Amazon app real quick and then Jeffrey “watch me burn money as literal rocket fuel” Bezos can take a hike!
Child Labor Is Back, Baby! (Seriously, Are You a Baby? Because We’re Hiring)
You won’t get holidays off, but aren’t you sick of spending Thanksgiving with your cheugy cousins anyway?
It Is I, the Toddler Who Values Financial Literacy Due to NFTs
I was telling the other toddlers about how if they ever plan to retire, they’ll need real dough, not Play-Doh.
We Do Not Sit Young Families Under Hulk’s Penis
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
My Last Thoughts as My Chair Tipped Over Backwards That One Time in 3rd Grade
Tic Tac Toe: a clever way to tell a girl you like her?
Introducing the Fantasy Card Game, “Mothers: The Maddening”
Players assume the role of tired wizards and cast spells, and summon creatures to do their bidding and help fold laundry.
As Your Fortune Teller, I Will Tell You, a Dewy Young Thing, Who You’ll Be In Forty or Fifty Years
You will be a person who, needing more room for books, never once thinks the words “bricks” or “boards.”
Dear Colleagues: I Think There’s a Kid Loose in the Office
I know one of you grown adults would never leave exploded beef stroganoff all over the microwave.
Your School District’s Superintendent Introduces His Top Ten New Substitute Teachers
Our Tallest 2nd Grader: I mean, have you seen this kid? He can even spell “tyrannosaur.” Anyway, he’ll be teaching AP Bio.
Fine Wines Inspired by the Stains on My Couch
The urinary mishaps of three potty-training boys mingle to deliver this temporally complex white.