Common sense gun control
Karen’s “Dirty 30” Birthday Party
Garbage collection in Skokie, IL
Renewing Tuca & Bertie
Driving crosstown at rush hour using only surface streets
Finding a parking spot at Trader Joe’s
Paying for that improv class
Paying for single-payer healthcare
Getting back together with Jeff
Convincing Jeff to come to your improv show
Actually stopping after two drinks
Downloading your pictures from the cloud
Cropping Jeff out of every group photo you downloaded from the cloud (if it comes to that)
Driving crosstown in the middle of the night with your headlights off so Jeff doesn’t notice when you park out front for 8 hours
Fighting that bastard Jeff’s restraining order
Ending the filibuster
Cleaning that malware off your MacBook
Deleting those videos of Jeff from your MacBook
Completely erasing your MacBook and destroying the hard drive (just in case)
Finally setting up Karen and David because everyone knows they’d be so good together
Getting mom to forgive you for crashing her car
Explaining to mom why you took her car to Jeff’s in the middle of the night without mentioning the restraining order
Colonizing Mars (probably)
Fleeing the police outside Jeff’s apartment complex
Debt relief for the victims of payday lenders like the one that gave you $5,000 to pay your dad back after he bailed you out
Ending the war in Afghanistan
The perfect destination wedding for you and Jeff (just planning ahead)