Common sense gun control

Karen’s “Dirty 30” Birthday Party

Garbage collection in Skokie, IL

Renewing Tuca & Bertie

Driving crosstown at rush hour using only surface streets

Finding a parking spot at Trader Joe’s

Paying for that improv class

Paying for single-payer healthcare

Getting back together with Jeff

Convincing Jeff to come to your improv show

Actually stopping after two drinks

Downloading your pictures from the cloud

Cropping Jeff out of every group photo you downloaded from the cloud (if it comes to that)

Driving crosstown in the middle of the night with your headlights off so Jeff doesn’t notice when you park out front for 8 hours

Fighting that bastard Jeff’s restraining order

Ending the filibuster

Cleaning that malware off your MacBook

Deleting those videos of Jeff from your MacBook

Completely erasing your MacBook and destroying the hard drive (just in case)

Finally setting up Karen and David because everyone knows they’d be so good together

Getting mom to forgive you for crashing her car

Explaining to mom why you took her car to Jeff’s in the middle of the night without mentioning the restraining order

Colonizing Mars (probably)

Fleeing the police outside Jeff’s apartment complex

Debt relief for the victims of payday lenders like the one that gave you $5,000 to pay your dad back after he bailed you out

Ending the war in Afghanistan

The perfect destination wedding for you and Jeff (just planning ahead)