Chuck Norris is still tough.

Chuck Norris senses before anyone else when he’s become relevant again.

Chuck Norris reads all the current flimsy memes in your social media feed without making a sound.

Chuck Norris can handle a gentle ribbing.

Chuck Norris’s beard is not made of granite but the point is it could be and that still counts for something solid.

The toughest part is that Chuck Norris is just a regular guy.

Chuck Norris, for instance, tries not to draw attention to himself on stage at NRA fundraising events.

Of course, Chuck Norris enjoys the attention. It’s not like he’s made of stone.

Chuck Norris can get ahead of himself.

Chuck Norris has long had the uncanny ability to sense the presence of undercover Russian spies.

Chuck Norris doesn’t remember meeting the woman at the overseas NRA conferences who recently pleaded guilty to conspiracy against the country but recalls a more general tingling sensation in his roundhouse leg.

Chuck Norris would like to state for the record that, regardless of how his roundhouse leg reacts, it doesn’t legally count as knowledge.

Chuck Norris spent most of last year at his ranch doing some serious soul-searching.

Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep; he waits.

Chuck Norris has a good grasp of the distinction between a myth, a hoax and a shared delusional disorder that buttresses the nation.

Which is why Chuck Norris continues to beat the sun in staring contests and it probably disproves climate change.

Chuck Norris would like to point out that Paul Bunyan never had to worry about his brand lift.

Pecos Bill was never asked to publicly endorse a presidential candidate.

Captain America doesn’t care that his whole deal long ago stopped being funny.

Chuck Norris knows we’re only as tall as the tales we tell ourselves.

Fortunately, Chuck Norris is also the furthest thing from a Hollywood elite.

Chuck Norris can only dismiss feelings of lightheadedness and inadequacy for so long.

But that doesn’t stop Chuck Norris from trying to rub two pieces of fire together to make wood in the only nation on Earth where that’s even conceivable.

Chuck Norris is tougher still.

Chuck Norris contains so much more that you would never believe.


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