6:00 AM: VOICE AS WEAPON! Silence any interfering neighbor with necessary action.
Ferrari Fantasy – A unique blend of Italian leather, capped teeth, micropenis, and snobbiness that will render you speechless.
Level 1 Boss: Twitter user with American flag emoji in profile / Special Attack: Signature Retweet-and-Comment, usually in form of an OANN headline.
Which of the following pieces of equipment can be carried off-duty by employees and even concealed? A) Avocado Masher B) SIG Sauer P320 Pistol
CAPABLE: Coordinating and implementing first person shooter strategy and tactics / SEEMINGLY INCAPABLE: Separating laundry
Day Two: To smooth things over with my girlfriend, I write "You'll always be my Number One worm" in gummies on the kitchen floor.
Stages of Grief That You, A Prospective Homeowner, Will Have to Process Before Accepting Your Fate and Becoming a Mole Person
Obsession: Refresh Zillow every three minutes. Ignore texts from your friends. Optimize your meals by blending your food & sipping it from a thermos.
I gave him a "you know you're not supposed to do that" look and he replied with a "the assumption of inevitable or primal goodness is a myth" stare.
Chuck Norris continues to beat the sun in staring contests and that alone probably disproves climate change.
God gave the Israelites corn and said, “Take this. And eat it only off the cob, with little tiny things called corn holders."
How do you rate your performance? Your Answer: This place would crumble without me. Work Appropriate Answer: I have the utmost confidence in myself.
The orb seemed pretty observant, too, so no doubt everyone’s unique powers would shed new light on their natural strengths and underlying weaknesses.