Level 1 Boss: Twitter user with American flag emoji in his profile

Special Attack: His signature Retweet-and-Comment combo, usually in the form of an OANN headline with his clarification on what freedom really means. When those run out, he reverts to the weaker attack of mocking Rachel Maddow’s appearance.

Weakness: Free and fair elections.

Strategy: Vote.

Level 2 Boss: State legislator

Special Attack: His gerrymandering gambit. With a stroke of his pen, large swaths of land twist into obscene shapes and land changes color from blue to red right under your feet. If you don’t defeat him quickly, your party gets paralyzed by minority rule. Good luck passing education reform now!

Weakness: Free and fair elections.

Strategy: Vote.

Level 3 Boss: State supreme court judge

Special Attack: This boss simply lets you pass, but don’t be fooled. If you don’t have an ID in your inventory, you become vulnerable to a suppression curse that damages your party months later at the only polling place located in this realm. No magic potion cures disenfranchisement!

Weakness: Free and fair elections.

Strategy: Vote.

Level 4 Boss: Megadonor

Special Attack: This boss never appears on-screen. He is, however, the architect of the Echo Chamber, a gauntlet that bombards you with misleading messages. If you step out of line to click on one, a thousand swarm your party, driving them insane.

Weaknesses: Free and fair elections, estate taxes, the kind of media blackouts that only happen in sci-fi novels.

Strategy: Vote, hopefully absentee.

Level 5 Boss: Third-party candidate

Special Attack: Her siphon increases the enemy’s odds of victory by draining resources from all parties. Not a ton of resources, mind you, but enough to make you wonder how formidable she would be if this game wasn’t so ridiculously linear.

Weaknesses: Free and fair elections, funding, the two-party system.

Strategy: Vote and bring a few dozen friends.

Level 6 Boss: President of the United States

Special Attack: The Wallmaker, a maelstrom that cruelly separates and isolates your characters using speeches from escalators, kid-cage policies, and, well, actual walls.

Weaknesses: Free and fair elections, empathy, maturity.

Strategy: Vote, and possibly get the military on your side just in case? The real one, not the unmarked one? I’m just saying. America in 2020. You never know.

Final Boss: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

Special Attack: A self-mutilating attack where he mistakenly believes that the present is more progressive than the past and promptly guts the Voting Rights Act of 1965. This restores life to all prior bosses, who you have to defeat again and again and again and…

Weakness: None.

Strategy: Cast a sleep spell on your party that lasts thirty years, then see if the minority majority has reformatted politics. If not, turn off the game and wait for the revolution. Maybe play a game outside? Catch is nice. Go play catch.