School had just been invented. There were no rules or curriculum. Approximately 50% of students died of hang-nails or syphilis within the first year while the rest had not been informed they had to go to school and were still working on Pappy’s farm.
Teachers were now hired to teach kids what to do. It was mostly writing and reading that the teachers were making up on the spot. Approximately 40% of male students were sent off to war while the other 60% did not finish their homework because their entire family had died in the night and that had kept them a bit busy. 100% of the female students thought the boys were stupid and gross.
Schools were closed from 1923-1927 because everyone forgot. Approximately 15% of all students got pregnant while the remaining 85% decided that perhaps they were not ready to start procreating. One boy was given an award by the president for coining the term the “Roaring Twenties” to refer to this decade. The rest of his class thought this was pretty cool, however, the boys in the class above his joked that it was more like the “Whoring Twenties” what with all the pregnancies.
Math and science are invented and 100% of the students agree that it is dumb and they hate it. Teachers begin grading the students based on their performance and the parents of the students are immediately disappointed with their children’s grade despite not understanding the grading system.
A group of students find a nuclear bomb and use it to terrorize their supply teacher. 39% of students are drafted to try and crack the enigma, 58% of students decide they do not like foreigners and never will no matter what the political climate is like when they are older, and 3% of students begin to be bullied because they are named Adolf.
Teachers begin teaching history, starting with the Cold War and the fall of the Soviet Union thus confusing their students. School boards decide that the children are now allowed to go home at night and only have to attend classes during the day. 53% of students start “fart charts” while the other 47% start short-lived “orgasm charts”.
Students are now allowed to bring lunches with them to school. 67% of students bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while also complaining that the child they sit beside keeps bringing tuna and it smells real bad. 33% of students bring tuna and it smells real bad.
Pencils are invented and students start doing much better as a result of finally being able to take notes and actually write their tests. Schools boards also outlaw teacher-student relationships of a sexual nature. 70% of boys start skipping class more frequently and the number of creepy teachers with mustaches and sweatpants decreases by 84% as a result of the new legislation.
Students are forced to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow and are forced to sign contracts that they will bitch about this to their children before their children get on their bus in the mornings. 83% of students petition for the installation of bathrooms in schools while the remaining 17% are fine with shitting in the corner like before.
Teachers are trained in condescension, patronization, and belittlement. To combat this, students begin organizing seminars to teach each other to make their teachers cry. The students win the war.
School is pretty normal, no weird shit happens.
The fall of humanity starts as students are taken over by what will turn out to be our technological overlords. Instead of math and science, it seems what they are doing in school is more akin to magic. Students now stand-up for themselves and their peers and everyone else fucking hates it.
The government shuts all schools down, announcing the project as a failure.
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