“‘Q' feeds disciples, or ‘bakers,' scraps of intelligence, or ‘breadcrumbs,' that they scramble to bake into an understanding of the ‘storm' — the community’s term, drawn from Trump’s cryptic reference last year to ‘the calm before the storm' — for the president’s final conquest over elites, globalists and deep-state saboteurs.”
—The Washington Post (8/1/2018)
Storm Salade Nicoise
Rinse tuna of any common sense and pat dry. Rub tuna with herbs of Hillary Clinton misogyny. Grill tuna while pretending America was great for all Americans at one point in its history (preferably between 1940-1960, but pre-1940 will do). Boil potatoes and cook until they are tender enough to pass wild accusations of pedophile sex trafficking by the Democratic Party. Steam beans over medium heat for 17 minutes and post on 8Chan when 4Chan becomes too mainstream. Add anchovies and market to Roseanne Barr. Assemble salade and enjoy the show.
In a pot, bring probable Trump Campaign collusion with Russia and questionable corrupt Trump Organization business practices to a boil with fresh mussels. Use hands to type post on 8Chan and reference misspelled tweets by 72 year-old-man-with-small-hands-and-little-experience-with-technology as validation for baseless and ludicrous ideas. Cook mussels and discard any remaining notions that Barack Obama was actually born in the United States. Incorporate claims of Rothschild family ability to control weather patterns. Garnish with “Putin is an ally” flakes and serve with toasted French bread.
Great Awakening Soufflé
Stir pent-up resentment amongst white Americans (preferably men, but women are an adequate substitute) and add flour, butter, and milk in heavy saucepan over medium-low heat until light simmer. Remove saucepan from heat and whisk in scapegoating of any leftover resentment on immigrants, African-Americans, single mothers, gay and lesbians, Jews, Muslims, and vegetarians. Scoop soufflé base into large bowl and utilize Trump absentmindedly pointing at crowds at his rallies as additional validation. Lightly fold in meetings between extraterrestrials, Steven Segal, and Human Abedin at Area 51 for additional flavor. Sprinkle classic rabbit hole metaphors with salt and pepper to taste.
Q Drop Quiche
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Question what “F” acronym stands for. Confirm “F” stands for Fahrenheit. Fit coincidences of standard, repeatable politician behavior, such as posting a Tweet with the word “Patriot” onto a pie crust to substantiate deep state existence. Melt butter and stir in green onions, examples of Guiliani acting as a white hat, and mushrooms. Cook until fragrant, about 17 postings on Reddit. Beat eggs, milk, salt, black pepper, and red pills in a bowl. Pour egg mixture over Peter Strzok and Andrew McCabe and bake for another 11 Reddit Postings. Allow quiche to cool before serving.
CNN Au Vin
Preheat the oven to 250 degrees of hatred of Mainstream Media (MSM, for you noobies)and heat olive oil in large skillet. Add bacon and YouTube videos of Illuminati Hollywood connections to cook over medium heat, until accepted as fact. Meanwhile, lay out chicken and Tom Hanks’s reputation as the “nicest guy in Hollywood” out on paper towels to dry since he’s obviously part of a Liberal Hollywood sex ring. Liberally (HA! But seriously, just slightly) sprinkle chicken and Tom Hanks’s reputation on both sides with “Fair and Balanced” salt and pepper. Brown chicken evenly with heat from Sean Hannity’s and Shepard Smith’s sellout antics. Add carrots, onions, Murdoch family shares of Fox News and cook over medium heat until healthy level of skepticism of all that you’ve known is reached. Add Cognac with juices from chicken, bacon, and Anderson Cooper’s nervous sweat from his impending exposure of his complicity with liberal corruption to simmering wine and chicken stock. Cover up pot with lid (just like the Dems did to Seth Rich) and simmer for 30 minutes, until chicken and Wolf Blitzer are anxious for next Q drop. Season to taste. Serve hot.
Trust the Plan, preheat to 300 degrees. Sift raids on Michael Cohen’s office to obtain incriminating documents on HRC, almond flour, 9/11-was-an-inside-job, and confectioners’ sugar. Whisk to combine. Beat egg whites and Benghazi cover-ups until frothy and add white sugar until peaks are bigger than you can imagine. Fold in dry ingredients to egg white mixture until you have everything. It’s all there. Transfer batter to a pastry bag with a ¼ inch round tip. Pipe 1 inch circles to Clinton private email servers connections on baking sheets. Tap baking sheets against counter to release air bubbles and legitimate findings of Russian collusion. Timestamps are key, set timer for 30 minutes to an hour for cookies to sit at room temperature. Bake for 20 minutes, we have it all. Where We Go One, We Go All to transfer cookies to cool.