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What, because I talk funny? Because I called your saloon a coworking pod? Because I palo santoed your game of Texas hold ‘em?
“Oh. Well, I could try to grow a beard?” the Beast offers. “It’s just that it usually comes in kind of patchy."
Let’s call it a reverse Turing Test designed to plumb the depths of human stupidity.
Hot Foods in the Wintertime or Cold Foods in the Summertime: This one’s a real bummer.
I’m inconveniently tiny. Inexplicably tiny. Infuriatingly tiny. If you didn’t have anger issues before, you do now.
What is the probability that at least one participant is both caffeinated and chatty?
This is my way of telling you at home, bald and not camera ready, that your safety means more to me than my hair.
I don’t want you to fight for me. Believe me, a disproportionate amount of effort will be needed to capture me. I need you to know that I am not worth it.
We simply want to take our committed relationship and invite in the chaotic meaninglessness of a vast and expanding universe.
Forward to 10 coworkers to lay them off for us, or get 9 years bad luck in your job search. 👋🍑
Try to get to the airport a few days early if traveling during the summer flying season.
I'll be honest, I expected to hate you. I thought our relationship would be filled with searing pain, occasional blood, and lots of tears.