Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
How did you hear about Life? - Was never informed about Life, just thrust into it with no agency or choice. - Instagram.
Covering every inch of skin our body in Flamin' Hot® Cheeto dust, or wearing big red bows and humming like a Chrysler on a snowy road.
We cast Keri Russell as your girlfriend, a fact that you didn't notice as you "haven’t had a TV since they stopped carrying The Weather Channel."
I will not condemn this man to death until this jury promises to come see my band this weekend.
As a child, I looked up at those billboards and marveled at their power. Could you just choose a nickname?
You’re very welcome to watch a movie, but little Olivia has chewed the arrow buttons off the remote so it will have to be the Paw Patrol movie.
Maybe he needs to hear it very badly for whatever marriage-related problems he’s going through. If I had to guess, of course.
And God said, “Let there be great music so none of them talk to each other,” and there was a DJ who worked in finance but DJed on the side.
He’ll make sure every American has access to basic libido killers, like subscriptions to the Criterion Channel and graphic tees that say “Mommy’s Little Gamer.”
I may be able to melt steel with my laser vision, but I can also melt faces with my dazzling clarinet solos.
I keep trying to bring up how none of us know our new lines or fit into our new costumes, but Duncan just keeps shouting, “That’s showbiz, baby.”
All mouth-blown, no helium balloon pumps allowed! And when I say “we,” I really mean just me.