Mike Eddy — Shrek

I am a senior and this is my fourth show. I was previously a part of the Local Player’s production of Shrek, the middle school’s production of Shrek, and before I moved here from across town, the other high school’s production of Shrek. I’d like to thank my mother and our wonderful director Mr. Duncan for their ongoing support.

George Elton — Donkey

I am a senior and this is my third show with the high school’s drama program. Previously, I was Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid, Troy in High School Musical, and before Mike transferred schools, Shrek in this production of Shrek. I’d like to thank Mr. Duncan for talking me out of quitting the show after he replaced me with Mike two weeks before opening night. I mean, it’s not every day that a high school production gets a total pro like Mike, and it’s true that he’ll bring in a much bigger crowd. The guy eats, sleeps, and breathes Shrek! I'd also like to thank my mom and dad.

Edith Warwick — Princess Fiona

I am a junior and maybe it’s because this is my first show, but it seems odd to me that Mr. Duncan cast me as Donkey three months ago and then suddenly, we have to reshuffle the entire cast for the great Mike Eddy. In rehearsals, I keep trying to bring up how none of us know our new lines or fit into our new costumes, but Duncan just keeps wandering off after shouting, “That’s showbiz, baby.” I’d like to thank my mom and step-dad, Keith.

Darlene Muncie — Lord Farquaad

I am a sophomore and this is my second show. I’d like to thank everyone in the cast for their support because I’ve been really struggling with self-esteem after Duncan suddenly demanded that I chop my long hair into a Lord Farquaad bob. I told Mr. Duncan, but he wasn’t super sympathetic. He kept going on about how I should turn to Mike Eddy for inspiration because he looks so much like a literal ogre and he’s the greatest star this town has ever seen. Well, Mike didn’t have a boyfriend dump him right before prom because he said he felt like he was kissing John Lithgow.

I’d also like to thank my mom and her hairdresser/best friend, Kathy.

Keith Garret — Pinocchio

I am a freshman and I was previously “Young Shrek” in Mike Eddy’s first performance of Shrek. I just want to go on record saying that I liked the old Mike, before he got lost in this role. He used to be a really normal guy who you could have a Capri Sun with, but he’s descended into Shrek like Heath Ledger into the Joker. It’s not healthy. I’ll tell you the same thing I told Ms. Kipling when she cast Mike in the Local Player’s production of Shrek: “This kid may be a musical theater genius but he’s also sick and you’re enabling him to make a quick buck.”

I’d also like to thank my dad and his on-again-off-again girlfriend, Linda.

Mr. Duncan — Dragon

I have been teaching English for 14 years and this isn’t the first time I’ve had to step up and take on a role originally cast to a high schooler. In 2013, at age 31, I played Danny Zuko in Grease and more than a few audience members “got chills” that were “multiplying.”

For this wonderful production, I’ve taken a more supporting role for a chance to work with the great Mike Eddy, who I discovered across town in our rival high school’s production of Shrek. When I spoke to Mike and his mother and found out he was interested in reprising his role for our community, I jumped at the chance, cleaning out my guest room and allowing him to live with me to technically be in our school district.

I’d like to thank my wife, who has supported the show despite being made physically nauseous at the sight of the Shrek prosthetics. I'd also like to thank Mike for his dedication. This kid is so committed to the role that he even wears the rubber Shrek ears in our jacuzzi.

I’d also like to thank my mom and dad who are no doubt watching this production of Shrek: The Musical from heaven.