Thank you for visiting Life! Now that you’re dead, we’d love to hear your opinion on your recent experience. We’re always striving to improve the quality of Life and your feedback is vitally important to us.

What age group did you belong to?

  • Too young to die.
  • Cut down in my prime.
  • Betty White adjacent.

Of the following statements, which best describes why you visited Life?

  • Was given no other options.
  • To enjoy major attractions.
  • In-N-Out Burger.

How did you hear about Life?

  • Was never informed about Life, just thrust into it with no agency or choice.
  • Instagram.
  • Backseat of a Civic.

Which of the following statements best describes your experience with Life?

  • Threw your hands in the air like you just didn’t care.
  • Raised your hands carefully above your head because you earnestly did care.
  • Didn’t use your hands much.

How satisfied were you with the feelings “Sadness” and “Depression”?

  • Too sad.
  • Too depressing.
  • Just right.

How satisfied were you with the feelings “Malaise ” and “Ennui?”

  • I don’t speak French.
  • C’est la vie, non?

Did Life leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? Like it was just an unrelenting slog? Almost like some days felt so futile and confusing that getting out of bed in the morning was an unbearable chore?

  • Yes!

How did you feel about the length of CVS receipts?

  • Too long.
  • Too short.
  • I shopped at Rite-Aid.

How satisfied were you with the emotions “Joy” and “Happiness?”

  • Didn’t trust them.
  • I remember that Thursday fondly.
  • Just learned those were available.

What will you miss most about Life?

  • I’m still processing my Death and would like to revisit this question later.
  • The Double-Double combo at In-N-Out.

For parents only, how can we improve the experience of raising children?

  • It’s amazing, don’t change a thing.
  • They should come with a free wine subscription.
  • I’d prefer to lay eggs in the sand.

Was Life a good place for social gatherings?

  • No, I’m an introvert.
  • Yes, I’m an extrovert.
  • Yes, I'm a contagious pathogen.

What will you miss least about Life?

  • Culture war.
  • Actual war.
  • Eye contact.
  • Consumer surveys.

Given the chance, would you revisit Life?

  • Yes, as an early investor in Apple stock.
  • Shit, no.
  • I still need a moment to deal with my recent Death.

How would you rate the parking?

  • Terrible, I lived in New York.
  • Terrible, I lived in Los Angeles.
  • Terrible, I shopped at Trader Joe's.

Overall, how satisfied were you with Life?

  • Very dissatisfied.
  • Somewhat satisfied.
  • Very marginally fulfilled.
  • I’d like a do-over, please.

How likely are you to recommend Life to others?

  • Very likely.
  • On Yelp, under a pseudonym.
  • Factory-farmed chickens should skip it.

If you feel you have adequately processed your Death, would you be willing to take a survey on how you Died?

Thanks for your honest feedback! As a gift, please accept this complimentary coupon for one free Double-Double from In-N-Out. Lemonade purchase required. Dine-in only.